Search Engine Fun

Since I've only been at this blog thing again for 3 or 4 months, I don't seem to have any good Search Engine hits on my blog yet. So far I've only had "padded cell confessions", "confessions from a padded cell" and "due to technical difficulties message". Pretty boring but I know these will become more amusing with time. In my past blogging days, I received a few funny ones but also a large number of bizarre hits. Here is a list of hits from my blogging days of old!

Funny Google Hits:  

Oh, Poopie!    (Probably an old woman looking up her favorite phrase)

Why is a padded cell fluffy?   (Because it's umm...I know this is a shot in the dark but...um padded!)

Sick and Wrong, we should flog these people, Hits: 

hot granny web cam  (EWWWW! How I came up in this search, I have no clue!)

bestiality confessions  (Worse than the granny one! Did they want the cow's side of the story?)

skinny dipping pics porn  (If you found me from this, get in your shower, turn it on cold and just sit in it for a while!)

Apparently I have a large and random array of topics that makes me ideal for bizarre Google searches! I'm now very disturbed to think that these people are actually living, breathing, and breeding in my atmosphere...

*Afterthought: I've just given these sick people a way to find me again haven't I...Crap!

Country or Paleolithic Period?

Last year while living in Edinburgh, I was employed by a temp agency and placed in reception at a clinic for drug users. Since it was summer time, a lot of the staff were taking their vacations. One guy told me he was going to Croatia because it was so nice and really cheap. I went home and told Branden that maybe we should see about visiting Croatia sometime. Here's how the convo went:

Me: Croatia supposedly has great beaches, nice towns and is much less expensive than going to Spain.

Branden: Croatia? Who goes on vacation to Croatia?

Me: You only say that because we're American and we don't know anyone who has ever gone to Croatia let alone that it is even a country.

Branden: True. I don't think I ever hear anyone mention it back in the States.

Me: I bet most Americans probably think that Croatia is time period where dinosaurs roamed the Earth.

Branden: Sadly, that's probably true...

Now, I'm not trying to sound better than other Americans. I didn't know anything about Croatia or even really hear about it until I moved across the pond. This is just what people over here call "taking the piss" or "making fun of" and I have no problems taking the piss out of myself!

Considering that most of my viewers are fellow Americans, I'm hoping you all can prove me wrong!!  ;)

Thank Heavens for My Camera

Last night, my husband and I headed out to the church we've been attending for their Tuesday night study. It's quite the walk through the University, past a park, along a pub filled road that leads to the huge Cathedral in town, up quite a few hills, through some sketchy neighborhoods, and finally to the Catholic school that the Protestant church meets in.

As we were in the sketchy neighborhood part, I saw a small German Shepherd ahead of us, running like a giddy escaped convict with his stressed owner attempting to snag him. He looked friendly enough and I'm more than willing to admit that I am completely animal starved, so I probably would have thrown myself in front of a stampeding bull elephant if given the chance. The dog hadn't spotted me as he ran in my direction so when he was close enough, I bent down with my hand out and started talking to him like he was a small child. I figured in his mind, he would think, "hmmm, new person...I wonder if it has food!" and come to me, and it worked! Unfortunately he had no collar on so I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and just started petting him like as if I had never seen a dog before in my life (oh, and the baby cooing didn't stop either). The grateful owner finally caught up and I was able to hand over the adorable dog. Branden and I continued on our way but I quickly realized that my cute furry captive was also very smelly and I was reeking of dog!

When we got to the church, Branden made the ever so brilliant comment that I should probably go wash my hands since I had quite the dog stench on me, so I made the crazy journey up a few flights of stairs and down a scary, possibly filmed in a horror flick, dark hallway to find the women's room. I had never used the restrooms there so I was completely surprised by an object I saw in the women's room and instantly wished I had my camera on me. Totally bummed, I walked out but decided to peek in my purse to see if maybe the house elves had snuck my camera in my purse by chance...and they had! Smiling like an idiot, I got my camera out and went back into the bathroom, checking under stalls so I didn't freak someone out by the sound of photos being taken in the vicinity of them doing their doody. With the all clear, I took a quick snap and quickly put the camera back in my purse, ecstatic that I would get to use this as blog material! So, this is what I saw:

This has got to be the most treacherous baby changing station I have ever seen! My first thought upon seeing it was 'If that's a baby changing station, then I think I know why population in Ireland is so low!'. I have dubbed this, The Baby Changing Station of Death! I'm pretty sure it was made in about the 1950's and I have no idea what sort of safety feature the wheels on the bottom are! It's also at a slight downward slope...very nice for your smooth, round infant.

When we left the church and headed back, I was even more excited when I saw another sight that I was unable to photo due to not having my camera on me...think back to a tip of the day...

Sadly, it's not paralleled parked between some other cars but you get the idea! Considering this isn't the first time seeing it parked in front of that pub, I'm guessing Mr. Power Chair is a regular.

Yesterday taught me a very good lesson: Keep my camera on me at all times and it could practically write my blog for me!

Pet Peeve that could be Fatal

Luckily, my particular pet peeve that I'm going to share with you today, is not one that I run across often while living abroad. However, since I have a sad and pathetic guilty pleasure of watching Judge Judy, my pet peeve is alive and aggravating. So what is this horrible irritation that could drive me to drop kick an adorable Disney character?? Quite simply, it is the repulsive way people say "axe" instead of "ask". My toes curl, my eyes bulge, my hair tingles and I just want to fly through the TV and show them what "axing" really means! This isn't just a simple mispronunciation, this simple word could be the difference between life and a torturous death!

Example:

Your child brings over a new friend who just moved into the neighborhood. The new kid wants to know if he can stay for dinner. You reply with, "Go axe your mother"...BAM! Potential manslaughter! Now the child probably wouldn't be able to take on his mom but what if you tell them to "axe grandma"??? I don't think people realize how powerful the error of their ways could be!

So that is my nagging pet peeve. Luckily, from the accents over here, people don't pronounce it in the fatal form that some Americans do (and this type is oddly found on Judge Judy a lot!). I do also become highly irritated over the mispronunciation of "breakfast" as "brefix", but since it has no life threatening potential, I let it slide.

Weekend Happenings

I had been dreading Saturday all week. We needed to go to the shops in town so I was dreading the long walk back home with 6 or so pounds of cold raw meat in the small of my back (that's where it settles in my backpack). Surprisingly we woke up at a decent time and could catch the cheap, early showing of the final Harry Potter movie. If you go at 11:30am it only costs 4 euros each which is about $5.75!

I have been a bit hesitant to go see it since it is a tradition that my dad and I always go and see Harry Potter films together. We have managed every single film, even the last one, despite that I was in Scotland when it came out and at the time didn't think I was going back to the States anytime soon. Luckily it worked out that we got to go back for a few months before moving to Ireland so dad and I had our traditional movie date. Since this was the absolute final film, I was a bit depressed that:

1) it was all ending
B) I wouldn't get to see the final one with my dad

I finally bit the bullet and we packed up our backpacks and shopping bags to go to the shops afterwards and made the 30 min walk into town. When the film started, I could feel my heart pounding. It raced and jumped and at times I thought it was going to just beat out of my chest! About 45 minutes into the film I realized this was because I had chugged my coffee before setting off on our walk to the cinema...count this as your tip of the day. I sat with tissue clenched in my hand the entire film, just waiting to burst into tears but I never did. I did like the film but that's probably because it has been years since I read the final book and actually couldn't remember how it all ended.

Ok, sentimental bit over, we did our shop run and packed our groceries like mules back home. Later, we managed to get everyone in my parent's house on Skype, which happens about as often as a solar eclipse. Ma, Dad, my sis Katie, 4 1/2 year old nephew Hunter and 10 month old nephew Brady were all beaming back at us on the webcam. My dad and I got to share our different experiences with seeing the HP film apart from each other and I got some fun updates about my nephews.

My sis caught Brady with her cell phone the other day. He was saying "Dada, dada" into it and then holding it up to his ear like it was a walkie talkie, hoping his dad, who is on deployment, would magically start talking back to him. I thought this was adorable and remembered back to when Hunter was about that age and his dad was gone, and he thought that his dad lived in a stuffed globe we would use to show him where daddy was on his boat. My sis also informed me that Hunter called her a 'sexy lady' the other day, so my sis asked him what makes a lady sexy? He thought about it and replied, "A girl with a nice shirt and pants". Sweet! I've got sexy made then!

Of course it wouldn't be an official weekend without our Romanian neighbors having a fire in the back garden and blaring bad 90's music hits, causing us to have to keep our bedroom and bathroom windows closed or be asphyxiated. If I hear the Macarena one more time, I think I will start chucking bottles filled with gasoline over the garden wall! Unfortunately today is a bank holiday so I have an extra day of putting up with their shenanigans. I suppose I should note, that I don't actually know that they are Romanian. The language they are speaking sounds Eastern European but Romanian has a better ring to it when blogging.

So that was my weekend. Sorry, it was a longer type up than I expected, so tomorrow I plan on a shorter post. I have a nagging pet peeve that I've been wanting to share...

Happy Monday Everyone!