Another Laugh from the Past

Yay!!! My internet came back!!! We got a call from the internet company saying that they fixed the line (without sending anyone to our house) and all should be fine! Sure enough, it's back and now I have a stack of blog posts from all the blogs I stalk follow so that will be my day gone. To make sure I give you something, I have dug out another past blog from years ago. This is from my days as a locksmith, I was single and 21 years old when I wrote this.

I hope you enjoy the glimpse into my past life and get a better idea of why I came up with Padded Cell Confessions as my blog name. My life has been slightly more of a bout in nut house than a walk in the park...and I haven't even started on my family! Well, I'm off to catch up on all of your recent posts! Happy Friday!

These were the customers I had to deal with:

Construction Guy: He is a regular and from one of our big accounts. He's in his 40's and likes to hunt and fish. I talk to my customers all the time so I mentioned that I like hunting and fishing too (I've been a hunter and fisher since I was a little kid and love it. Except I can only hunt a specific kind of stupid but tasty bird, everything else is too much like shooting Disney characters to me!). Anyway, this guy thought it was just great that we had this in common and could just see by my BeBe, leather soled, lipstick red, ankle strap, complete with bow, 3 1/2 in. heels that I was the rugged type of woman he was looking for! He was always flirty, but finally after spending a morning getting drugged up and numbed by the dentist (and I think he had drank quite a bit too) he got the courage to ask me out. Luckily he was too drug induced to remember his phone number. So he tried calling it to make sure but got an old lady on the other end instead! Now every time I see him I think he's too embarrassed to even attempt anything! Thank you Lord!

German RVer: He has a thick accent and is in his 70's. He drives a huge, nice RV and comes to me for whatever ails him. He's very nice and friendly. The only reason I bring him up is because of what he calls me. He opens the door and as soon as he sees me he gets a big smile and says: "There's my little magician!" He is just astounded by the little ways I can fix his problems; it's really cute and he doesn't hit on me!

Spa Creep: Probably early 50's, he came in for some lock work and keys cut. While he was here he mentioned that he had a bed & breakfast way up in the woods and was making a brochure for it. He had a nice hot tub and wanted to know if I would be willing to model in it for the brochure. He would pay me and even make me dinner. *EEEK!* Red Flags, Red Flags! I turned him down and he left me pics of the hot tub and his number just in case I changed my mind. Ick!

Mafia Man Seeks Mistress: 40's, accountant or lawyer, I can't remember; he wore pinstripe suits and just looked like a mob guy. Chrissy saw him and thought he was mobster too especially since he even had a henchman. He lived about 45 min away in another city but worked here and came in to get a new lock for his door. It was like an $800 lock and of course he shrugged it off to me like 'no problem'. He was married and even had kids but he threw his money around and looked me up and down like he was majorly trying to impress. Chrissy and I figured this guy just wanted a mistress. I was perfect; very young and lived in another city than his wife! Luckily he got his lock and everything and I haven't had to deal with him since...although it might have been nice to get a diamond or two out of him...eww, what am I saying!

Miss Agent Orange: Can you say psychotic?! I did feel very bad for her though. She's in her 60's or 70's and was a nurse in Vietnam. She had us rekeying her house more times than anyone in the history of the universe. She swore up and down that a guy followed her up here from Oregon. He tormented her there and moved up here when she did to torment her again. Of course this guy was 'good'; he could pick into anything (which isn't usually possible). He would break into her house and never take anything, but move things around to let her know he was there. She said his calling card was pennies. He would leave pennies all over the place, which was his way of taunting her (I know it would bug me! Nobody uses pennies anymore, they just cause clutter...tormenting clutter!) Anyway, she had called the cops a few times and after a while of looking into the case, they told her to seek a good psychologist! Luckily we don't have to deal with her anymore. 

Paranoid Israeli: This guy was never even a customer! In about his 70's or 80's, he would just come in and talk for like 45 min at a time telling me the same thing over and over about how the government was stalking him. His neighbor was a spy even. They killed his wife with stress and he would keep telling me that stress was a whoopun (weapon). He also told me that they even poisoned the food he bought at the grocery store (you know how smart the government is! They knew which products he would buy ahead of time!) This is pretty much all I can say because it would take me about 30 min to finally understand him with his heavy accent!

Out of Cell Message...due to technical difficulties

So apparently nobody informed me that this week was "Do Everything Possible to Annoy Me Week". Tuesday, I was ridiculously emotional and cried over everything which was not helped by every little thing just refusing to work.

Examples: Nothing was on TV so finally when Golden Girls came on, I was desperate for anything to take my mind off of another thing to cry over, but the channel started cutting in an out! It never does that! So I went to read my book in my Kindle..."I'm sorry but your batter is too low". I could have plugged it in but I was too frustrated. I tried to retreat to my happy internet world..."Server not connecting" AHHHHHH!!! And it is STILL not working. There is something wrong with a line and we might have it back in the next couple of days. (Irish translation: probably when I am old and senile so just start drinking now to forget about it.)

Then Wednesday I got quite sick with a painfully nauseous stomach and horrible nagging headache (again, I reiterate: NOT pregnant!). Today, I am feeling better except my allergies are kicking up something fierce and my allergy meds are not putting up much of a fight. I actually think they have wet themselves somewhere in my throat in fear of the aggressive pollen and that is what I keep hacking on.

So this all comes down to:

I'm sorry but I have fallen off the face of the Earth temporarily and am managing to hang on by my little finger. If you see the lost drunk lazy helpful internet repair guy, please send him my direction so I can be rescued. Thank you and I'll hopefully see you by Monday!

Part of My Heart is in Scotland

Today has been an off day. Everything I touch turns to a puddle of tears and my poor husband is having to try his hardest not to laugh over the things that have triggered me. No, I am not pregnant. Like I said, it's just an off day. (He brought me home some popsicles with Pop Rocks in them so I think I'll be better soon!)

I have been thinking a lot about Edinburgh lately. I have really been missing my friends there and some of the wonderful places Branden and I used to explore. America is our first and most significant home, but Edinburgh is where we spent a year and half of our two years of married life. Being that far away from family when you just get married is actually a blessing. If there is an issue or argument, you can't just call your friends or family, you just have to deal with it together. It showed us how good of friends we really are and how grateful all those grueling months we spent apart from each other when we were engaged really honed our communication skills. 

The day before we left Edinburgh, Branden and I took a walk through the fields behind Holyrood Palace. There were still bits of snow on the ground and the cold wind blew in our faces like it always did, year round! We stopped and looked ahead at the city we had grown to know and love, gazed at Arthur's Seat and the hills around it that we used to spend hours walking through and we just lost it. This had been our 'married home' and where we learned how to be 'us'. We were excited to get to go back to the States to see family and then move to Ireland, which we knew was always our final destination, but this was our little married world and we were having to leave it.

Since I have now set myself off again, here are some photos of our time there and a brief glimpse at the things I miss.

The Scott Monument right in the middle of town. When the Christmas Market comes, there is a ferris wheel right next to it.

Edinburgh Castle on it's rocky peak so you get wonderful views of it all over the city.

Princes Street Gardens where you could get away from the loud busses and cars on the street.

 The Royal Botanical Gardens which are free and have a huge range of things to see.

 Portobello Beach which was cold but had a fabulous pub that had a 'bring your own instrument' night on Sundays. We had some great times there with our fun and amazing neighbors.

 Craigmillar Castle which was much less touristy and a great place to wander around.

 The view out of our bedroom window where you could always see the neighborhood's laundry...even in the snow.

 Amazing cemeteries.

Our pond that we would walk up to whenever it was nice enough.

The walk down to The Sheep's Heid, the oldest pub in Edinburgh but wasn't full of loud tourists. It had amazing fidget pie! This trail was just past our pond.

 Holyrood Palace and the ruins of the Abbey with the Craigs being lit up by the sun. 

Arthur's Seat. This was practically our backyard and we spent lots of time taking long walks and forgetting that we were in a city at all.  

Weekend Rewind

Funny how I didn't really have any problems with peer pressure in my teens but sadly, I couldn't take it anymore and I finally joined Twitter. I was a late convert to Facebook so at least I'm consistently slow. It was hard to come up with a user name too and was stuck with only enough characters to have P_Cell_Princess (how gangsta do I sound for a white girl in Ireland!?!) Since I don't text message (and share a cell phone with my husband) I suppose I can try and gain some more attributes of a person my age through all of this. It is really nice to not be tied to a cell phone though and I found when I was back in the States last it was really hard to get back into texting (and I was ridiculously slow at it!). Well, Twitter is different and I'm much better with a keyboard so I think I will be addicted adjusted soon!

Update on my last post about not knowing what was lurking up and down our stairway...It turns out to be a she, about in her early 50's and (from spying behind the curtains) a smoker. My theory: She has emphysema and can't strain her lung capacity by going up and down stairs so she takes her time. So listen up kids: don't smoke! You can get emphysema and have people think you are a crazy person who walks on their hands up stairs (according to Tony Van Helsing) or you have cloven hooves so must be either the Devil or Mr. Tumnus (according to Joshua)! If that isn't enough to make you quit smoking, then I don't know what will!

On a 'super excited, almost to the point of pants peeing' note I got another box-o-fun from my Mom-in-law!! She sent some more really nice watercolor paper, extra fine brushes, jewelry tweezers, necklace clasps, jewelry thread, beads, sequins, more wool, and some other things to make me totally distracted by all the fun things I can make!! I spent about an hour sitting on my bed when it came first thing this morning, sitting in my underwear, pulling apart a necklace to revamp it and make it better, with Branden wondering if I was ever going to shower. Yes, I did finally shower (at about 1:30) but I cleaned the bathroom first! I am too excited and have started pulling together old jewelry pieces that I never wear and have every intention of dissecting them so I can create something else that will be more 'me'. (whatever that is!)

Well, I am off to create something so I will speak to you all soon! Don't forget that I am now 'cool' and on Twitter so tweet me up or something...

Something is lurking...

Ok, I know I said "have a good weekend" and all that jazz but I have a bit of a curiosity...

Since half of our housemates moved out, their empty rooms are currently used on the weekends as overflow rooms for our landlady's B&B. There is only one guest this weekend and I can't figure out what it is.

Here are the details: We have not seen the B&B occupant but we have heard them. It comes in the door very quietly, walks briskly, but then walks very, very, very slowly up the stairs. It also steps very, very, slowly down the stairs. It sounds like a 5 year old as it takes very slow, little steps as if the stairs are going to kill them or they don't want to wake up some monster by plodding up and down the stairs. At first I thought elderly or disabled but then when I heard it walk on the main floor very briskly, I was totally confused.

Maybe they are terrified of stairs or had never used stairs before?? I have a healthy fear of stairs since I've fallen down them twice. The first was 5 concrete steps and the second was a flight of plywood steps in a new construction house and luckily my best friend Chrissy was a bit in front of me so I could aim my roll in her direction to stop me.

Any thoughts on what this could be?? I know the easiest way would be to try and catch a sight of this person but it is fairly illusive...and new people are scary!


*My husband thinks it may be a diva and like Maria Carey, they just don't do stairs.