Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Translations may vary...

Branden's laptop now has a dictate feature. Does it work? Technically yes. Very well? Not so much. In all fairness, if I were to be nice to it and speak slowly then it may work better, but that's not very fun! How it works, is you hit a button twice and the little mic symbol shows up, letting you know that it's starting to record. You speak for about 2 minutes and then the symbol shows you that it's done and then you wait to see how it mutilated your words! Great fun!

So today, I have a few pre-prepared things I want to say and see how the dictate feature slaughters it to a million bits handles it. Something to note, for punctuation, I have to actually say the word "comma" or "exclamation point" in order for the dictate to include it in. I will post my actual words first and then you can read the dictate's translation, and then my thoughts on it after. Enjoy!

My Actual Words:
Hello and welcome to Padded Cell Confessions! I'm Maggie, your Princess and most people find me to be quite quirky, random, and a bit of an odd duck really. I'm nuts about animals, my favorite animal is an ocelot, and I also am crazy about my husband Branden.

The Dictate's Translation:
Hello and welcome to Patisel confessions estimation point I Meggie, your princess and most people find me to be quicker quirky, random, and it did not definitely. I'm not about animals, my favorite animals and ocelot, and I'm also crazy but my husband Brendan.

What in the world is Patisel? I also don't appreciate that it misspelled Branden and my names. At least it seemed to know what an ocelot was! Ok, that was a fairly easy one so now onto something a bit harder.

My Actual Words:
When I was a kid, I had a lisp. My mom didn't want to pay for speech therapy so she just held my jaw closed and made me say things like "sissy" and "Sally sells seashells by the seashore". It worked, as it taught me that I couldn't put my tongue through my teeth with my jaw clamped shut! Thanks Ma!

The Dictate's Translation:
When I was a kid, I have a list. I'm on didn't want to pay for speech therapy so she just told my job closed and many say things like sissy XOXO seashells by the seashore. It works, doesn't talk that I couldn't put my talking my teeth with my chocolate shop! Thanks excavation point

Firstly, this is a true story and secondly, I don't think "and Sally" sounds anything like "XOXO"! At least it understood one of my exclamation points, even if it slaughtered the last one...and left my mom out! The most important part of this whole translation, is that I apparently have a chocolate shop! Maybe it just translates what we're thinking...??? On to my last chance of confusing the heck out of this thing, and I'll make it a good one!

My Actual Words:
My best girl friend Chrissy likes to have weird phrases she learns in Spanish like "duck with a stick" and "my hovercraft is covered in eels". Branden is planning on stopping by the fishmonger after work today to pick up some whiting. Last night we made chicken roulade which is chicken breast that we stuffed with a mixture of mushrooms, onions, asparagus, and boursin, then wrapped in parma ham. Tasty!

The Dictate's Translation:
I Bescoe from Christy likes to have refreezes she likes to learning Spanish like hooked up with a stick quote and my hovercraft is covered in meals. Brandon is planning on stopping by the fishmonger after work today to pick up some waiting. SMH
Which is a chicken breast that we stuffed with a picture of mushrooms, onions, asparagus, and Bjornson, and wrapped in Birmingham. Tasty excavation point

Um wow. "Hooked up with a stick"?? At least it knew what a fishmonger was but we definitely didn't stuff our chicken with a picture of mushrooms and wrap it in Birmingham! I think the "SMH" means it had no idea what I said for that whole sentence so maybe I should give it another try...

The Dictate's 2nd Translation:
My best girlfriend Chrissy
Replacement face is she going to Spanish like that with a stick and I have a customer to Neills. Brennan is planning on stopping by the fishmonger after work today to pick up some waiting. Laughing made chicken
Which is chicken breast we stuffed with a mixture of mushrooms, onions, asparagus, and going to come and occupy him. Tasty! 

I'm not sure if that's better...either way, it was still entertaining! It did get Chrissy's name right this time, but she doesn't have or need a replacement face! Laughing chicken may be a bit odd to eat and I have no clue who Brennan is despite that I apparently need to 'occupy him'...???

I hope you enjoyed these horrible translations as much as I did! If you have anything you want me to tell my dictate feature for future posts (I'll link your blog to it), let me know! Keep it PG, as the dictate feature seems to turn it a bit PG-13 on it's own... Happy Wednesday!

12 comments:

  1. You made me laugh -- again! You have a chocolate shop? You've been holding out on us. Interestingly, if I say an address to my GPS, even though it prints the address correctly, it takes me to the wrong place. But if I type in the address, it takes me to the right place. Oh, GPS god. Take pity on this poor abandoned waif.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  2. The duck's so right: hysterical! Good thing you're not an animal. Wait.... now MY laptop is doing things it's nuts opposed to do.... Daer Lord, now what? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Might it depend on the settings. It might be on UK or Australian.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's so funny! I have that dictation feature, too, (on my phone, not sure on the laptop) but I've determined it's worthless. I didn't record and respond to it's crazy translations as you did, (perhaps I should have??) which does at least make it funnier, despite also being maddening!

    I just got irritated and quit using it for texting, as I spent more time fixing (and waiting) than it took to write the usual way!

    ReplyDelete
  5. And that's why voice input just isn't viable yet.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow, I had considered trying to write blog posts using that feature, but after reading what it did to you I'm thinking that isn't going to work. Ah well, good thing I can type.

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's sooo hilarious!

    My brother's answering machine sends his messages to his email. Sometimes they turn out really funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. When Brett was still in school we tried a voice program similar to yours. What a nightmare! He might as well been speaking a foreign language.

    I'd like to order some chocolate though-

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, that's funny!

    The program's PG13, huh? So obviously trying out a bit of erotica would backfire on it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It is very amusing Maggie, but I am sure that you must also find it quite frustrating. I wonder how Brandon gets on with it? Vince's suggestion may be right? - Dave

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's weird. The speech to text function on my phone is pretty good.

    ReplyDelete

Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?