My grandparents are highly entertaining, and my Grandpa is easily the quirkiest of the 3 grandparents that I have left (my other grandpa died when I was 6). He can't get his words strait and either makes up a new word or just replaces it with one that doesn't even come close to matching.
Example: He and Grandma went over to some friends' house for dinner. When they got there, they knocked on the door. Nobody answered so they knocked again; still no answer. Finally after a while, the people answered the door and Grandpa said, "Man, I was getting worried. Thought I was going to have to burst in and perform artificial insemination!" Poor Grandma wanted to die! Respiration, insemination...what's the difference!?!
Grandpa also does some things that are poorly thought out, but luckily they end up to be pretty funny.
Example: They have a large gravel parking area next to the house and it gets a lot of leaves in the fall. Grandpa has a leaf blower, but he has to stand and walk around with it...too much work! So he got the brilliant idea to use his riding lawn mower so then he could just sit back and blow away those leaves with ease! Not too bad of an idea until Grandma came screaming out of the house because he managed to break the bathroom and bedroom windows with the gravel that also inhabits the parking area! Then Grandma noticed that he also broke out a back window of their car! He was in soo much trouble that you would think he'd have learned his lesson...oh no. Next year he did it again, and broke out the same windows! I think Grandma might have taken the lawn mower away from him...we can only hope!
Will your family adopt me? I like them. They're funny! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd so was this post.
My bro-in-law would be ecstatic to have you...he needs another Jewish family member ;) We'd love you!
DeleteI gotta get better at checking for replies! :) And hooray! I'm excited about my new family!
DeleteRudolph has some Jewish relatives from New York (he was raised Catholic)...so he uses some of the yiddish words. Love when he refers to his nose as a schnoz! I don't know why, it just cracks me up.
Have a good one!
Love,
Steph
I am going to sound pretty silly but I never realized that "schnoz" was yiddish! My family uses it all the time! We may be more "Jewish" than we thought! (actually this Grandpa of mine has an untraced past so we don't know who or what is in his lineage!)
DeleteSounds pretty normal to me--but I have only MY family to compare him to!
ReplyDeleteMaybe he's a distant relation??? ;)
DeleteSounds like she needs to run over the leaf blower with a car! Or the lawn mower.
ReplyDeleteI think she just makes my dad come take care of it now...the joys of my parents living 2 doors down!
DeleteOh ... my ... Lord! That's one funny grandfather! Artificial insemination... really? hahahaha! Never tried THAT before. I nearly fell of my chair reading this. And he's actions speak louder than words! That window-breaking grandpa is one hell of a character. I miss mine. He died when I was 8. It was then that I lost my faith. I know, this is your fun blog, but still. You have a great day, Padded Cell Princess.
ReplyDelete- Randy
Oh yes, that's my Grandpa! I dread the day that I will hear of his passing. I grew up around my grandparents so it will be a devastating blow. I can understand how much it must have affected you and I'm sorry you didn't get to have yours for longer.
Delete~Maggie
That's a nice thing to say, Maggie. It's over 3 decades ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. Incredible how certain things stay with you until it's time for you to go. It saddens me. It really does.
DeleteI think Grandpa is in my family, too.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
You would fit right in with all of us! You easily could be one of my aunts! I'll be coming by tomorrow to catch up! I've been a bad 'niece' ;)
DeleteMy father once used a chainsaw to level off the bottom of the Christmas tree.
ReplyDeleteA 2 stroke chainsaw that spewed billowing clouds of blue smoke and wood chips all over...
... the living room.
It was about 20° F at the time, so we couldn't even open the windows to air it out.
Hahahaha! That's hysterical but would have sucked!
DeleteHehehe hahaha!
ReplyDeleteI could basically write an entire blog based on Grandpa stories couldn't I!?!
DeleteThis is awesome! When I read "artificial insemination" I almost died of laughter. I haven't laughed that hard in forever *still giggling*
ReplyDeleteIf only Grandma had your same response... ;) It's one of my favorite "Grandpa mess ups" and he's got lots of them!
DeleteAre you sure he meant respiration? He sounds like a card. I'd like him for sure.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad was like your grandfather Maggie. He used to get words mixed up and used malapropisms. Instead of taking his medication it was his meditation, and he called the Rolling Stones the Rolling Rocks. Dad was self-educated so he never clearly learned to use words correctly. - Dave.
ReplyDeleteOh man, what a funny guy! It's best that he isn't intending to be. Poor grandma! At least her life is never dull!
ReplyDeleteThanks for a good laugh!