Friday, June 15, 2012

And I thought I had issues!

Every month brings more and more freaks who have found my blog by their odd search engine phrases. This month had me scratching my head thinking, "How on earth did my blog come up from that!?!". Since you all like analyzing my bizarre search engine hits as much as I do, here are my "favorites" from the past month.

Big hairy men in heels: Ewwwwww! This is a fetish I was not aware of and unless Branden has tried cramming his giant plank feet into my tiny heels and posting photos secretly on my blog, then there is no reason for you to be here!

Slaughter can't be written without laughter: Sure, I have good reason to have a slight fear of your finding me through this (especially if you are a stalker) but I actually like your style as this phrase always gets me giggling...I'm so bad, I know!

Elderly pinata: Do you have some urge to beat old people with a stick??? That's just sick and wrong...unless it's for some type of dominatrix nursing home and then to each his own I suppose.

Slow loris in bread: I'm sorry, but last I checked, a slow loris is one of the cutest animals on the planet and you want to put it in your loaf?!? I bet you have no soul.

Is coconut milk supposed to smell like farts? Ok so I'm not actually going to scold you, dear searcher. I had to do this exact search when I bought my first can of coconut milk, with the exception that I specified that it smelled like a monkey had farted into the coconut before canning. Even though I was told that it was ok, after buying a different brand of canned coconut milk, I have discovered that it should not smell like monkey farts at all! Get another brand and stop drinking fart juice!

Saggy grandpa butt from just like heaven: Again, who are you sick people with your odd fetishes?! But most importantly, why did your search for a saggy grandpa butt bring you to my site!?! I only just got a butt over a year ago from eating fatty foods in the States so it's hardly had enough time to be affected by gravity, thank you very much!

Mother in law caught me sniffing her knickers: You take the cake as the nastiest searcher! Why oh why would someone A. do this, and 2. want to search this??? I know my Padded Cell may be a place for crazies to flock, but my goodness I seem to have a herd of crazies this month!

I think I need to take one searcher's advice of padded cell vacation! Happy Friday everyone! See you in Blogland next week!


  1. I don't know about coconut milk but scotch eggs actually taste like farts.

  2. My posts are so strange that I'd be afraid to do a Google search for something weird knowing I'd probably find myself there!

  3. It's scary that there's a market out there for big hairy men in heels.

  4. I didn't want to tell you about Branden posting those photos of himself. I guess the jig is up now.


    P.S. He looks gooooood.

  5. I had to quit looking at the search terms that led people to my blog. It was just too scary sometimes. There are some strange people out there!

  6. Your searches blow mine realz. Oh, and for the record, coconut milk, water, juice, crap is so gross. Coconut should always be served with large amounts of sugar by big hairy men in heels..LMAO

  7. ok, that is hilarious. You need to let me in on the secret of how you find out how people are searching and end up on your site. pretty please


Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?