Not on Speaking Terms

This year my birthday and I are not on speaking terms. I am finding this very awkward as it is trying to make it's annual visit in a couple of weeks, so it's not really abiding by the rules. The separation agreement never really went through, and my restraining order only lasted for about 6 months, which was a complete waste and utterly useless, as I will not be covered by it when it is due to visit. I did try to send a contract stating that from this year forth it would need to start moving backwards, but the stubborn thing insists it pursue forward with our relationship, much to my dismay.

Offers of having it visit my husband instead and then having my husband's visit me as a sort of swap was also turned down, despite years of looking into the legalities of it maybe working. I tried to see if it would agree to maybe visiting every other year, but the punctual little devil just won't budge. Sure we have had some great times together in the past, but I find our relationship changing and I really don't see it going in a direction I like...much like my skin.

I have tried Googling ways of getting rid of it but all I come up with are links to "negative emotions", "how to run away from home", and "getting rid of worms". Wikipedia doesn't even help as it says I am supposed to be celebrating this thing! Well, we all know how reliable Wikipedia is.

Maybe it could be really nice and recreate the first time we ever spent together. A big cake would be plopped down in front of my face and all of my friends and family would get to watch me eat the whole thing with my hands. Then I could have a good cry for no reason and be put down for a nap. That sounds nice actually!