Thursday, March 15, 2012

Not on Speaking Terms

This year my birthday and I are not on speaking terms. I am finding this very awkward as it is trying to make it's annual visit in a couple of weeks, so it's not really abiding by the rules. The separation agreement never really went through, and my restraining order only lasted for about 6 months, which was a complete waste and utterly useless, as I will not be covered by it when it is due to visit. I did try to send a contract stating that from this year forth it would need to start moving backwards, but the stubborn thing insists it pursue forward with our relationship, much to my dismay.

Offers of having it visit my husband instead and then having my husband's visit me as a sort of swap was also turned down, despite years of looking into the legalities of it maybe working. I tried to see if it would agree to maybe visiting every other year, but the punctual little devil just won't budge. Sure we have had some great times together in the past, but I find our relationship changing and I really don't see it going in a direction I like...much like my skin.

I have tried Googling ways of getting rid of it but all I come up with are links to "negative emotions", "how to run away from home", and "getting rid of worms". Wikipedia doesn't even help as it says I am supposed to be celebrating this thing! Well, we all know how reliable Wikipedia is.

Maybe it could be really nice and recreate the first time we ever spent together. A big cake would be plopped down in front of my face and all of my friends and family would get to watch me eat the whole thing with my hands. Then I could have a good cry for no reason and be put down for a nap. That sounds nice actually!

17 comments:

  1. I've tried ignoring many a birthday but they catch up with you anyway.

    SIGH.

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    1. I've moved countries a few times and I still can't shake this thing! Irg!

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  2. Happy early birthday, sure it's not in the VERY immediate future, but it's still coming.

    I thought of you the other day when I caught myself saying I wanted to move to Ireland.

    I hope all is well. Sorry I've not been around much the last month. I'll try to visit more often!

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    1. Thank you and no worries on not being around so much. I have been super busy and thus, way behind in my blog reads. I did spend Saturday cooking though which meant I also went through basically all of your blog posts since before I started following you. :)

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  3. I can help you!! For a FREE copy (you only pay shipping & handling) of my book, "How to Avoid Having Birthdays & Get Rich by Telling People About It" please send $93.87 to me here at Shady Rest.

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    1. No wonder you have travelled the world! And I thought it was from your successful husband ;)

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  4. Or you can do what I do, not tell anyone it's my birthday, and just let the day go by unnoticed.

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    1. Unfortunately I have a horde of family and friends who have a concept of time and dates (which I never seem to catch) and will practically bludgeon me with reminders. It's over a week away and I have already had 2 birthday shout outs on facebook...I have nowhere to hide!!!

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  5. I like the cake and nap plan.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. It really could be a perfect day if I was allowed to eat an entire cake with my hands and then nap! I hope that's how heaven is ;)

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    2. Poof! Then that's how heaven is.

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  6. I'm with janie. Cake and nap sounds great! Although I'm more of a pie fan.

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    1. Blackberry pie is a biggie in my family but something about frosting gets me salivating faster than Pavlov's dogs! Mmmmmmm, I could just eat frosting and be happy really. Frosting on pie would be tasty too though...mmmm

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  7. Cake and a nap sound marvellous. Especially if it's black forest cake.

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    1. Mmmm, black forest cake! I eat any cake though! Welcome to my cell William!

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  8. Ah, birthdays! You can't stop them coming Maggie. Look at it this way. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live - Dave

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    1. Hahaha, you are right Dave. I sort of have to have them to stick around in this life ;)

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Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?