Thursday, November 10, 2011

My Ex....Hairdresser

This morning I looked at Branden and said, "I think it's time I shared about my crazy ex eyebrow waxer." This is another tale from my past days as a locksmith and was written back in January 2006. I read this and thought that maybe I was a bit harsh on the woman, but then I remembered how much I would shake like a nervous Chihuahua around her as I tried to brace myself for whatever piece of TMI would come from her mouth. 

As I read this story back to myself, I realized that it had a great moral to it:

"Don't go around life as a spineless jellyfish who has to please everyone or else you too could end up feeling like you are trapped in a trailer park soap opera and can't get out".

Thank goodness I am a stronger person now!

My Ex Hairdresser

I had a hairdresser from the bad side of the trailer park...oh yes, there's a bad side. I went to a nice salon to get my eyebrows waxed (plucking made me sneeze) and a trim (my hair, not my eyebrows!). Anyhoo, I got this wacky haired hairdresser who we will call Flonaise (because I think she likes nose candy). So Flo did my eyebrows and they were really good...actually perfect! Then she started on my trim. We talked, and at that time I was teaching youth group, which she got really interested in. She had two middle school aged boys and wanted them to start getting involved in church stuff. Then she noticed that my tongue was pierced (it's not anymore) and got all excited! She asked me the usual 'did it hurt?' 'how do I like it?', stuff like that. She then proceeded to tell me that her and her girlfriend almost got their "coochies" pierced (excuse the spelling but this word is not part of my vocabulary!). Less than 5 minutes ago we were talking about church but now I get to hear all about her 'candy land'!

Thankfully, I got out of there with amazing eyebrows and a so-so trim. As disturbed as I was by this woman, I went back because I am a people pleaser who can't say no it is tough to find a good eyebrow waxer. If they get the wax too hot they can burn and blister your skin, but if it's too cold they can rip skin off! Since blisters and scabs really weren't a popular trend, I went back numerous times.
One day God smiled on me! Flo told me she was leaving the salon and opening her own hair place. I thought 'Sweet! I'll never have to see her again and I'll finally get another lady here to do my eyebrows!' I left smiling just thinking about never having to hear about that crack-head's coochie again! It was about a few weeks later, I was at work, and suddenly Flo drove up to my office! I dove behind the counter, crawled back to the workshop, and spied on her. She was moving in to the office space next to mine!

God laughed at me. I managed to avoid her for a while but was starting to get desperate since I didn't have the courage to try out another waxer, so I had become a wanna be plucker (and it wasn't working). Finally, she came into my office, saw me behind the counter, and asked why I hadn't been over. I of course lied and said that I had been busy. I scheduled a waxing appointment that day people pleaser, people pleaser, people pleaser!! It was kind of nice to have my waxer just next door, even though I learned all about her unhappy relationship and how often her boyfriend took his daily #2 deposit!

But then her ex husband started coming around. No biggie, he wasn't in my shop, right? Considering he was above the age of 40, his "old man pervert who has to hit on Maggie" radar went off. He came in to my shop, even had a job for me to do...a house call! Luckily I didn't do house calls. HE was exactly the reason why I didn't do them, so I threw him to my boss. Of course he had to stay in my office and make friendly chatter about random things. 

Somehow my car was brought up and I said something about how I wanted to take off the tinting. He got all excited because he used to do tinting and knew exactly how to remove it. He said he could have it off for me in 30 minutes and wanted my phone number so he could call me and arrange a time to do it. Um, No. I told him to give the office a call if he wanted to get ahold of me, but I could do it on my own. Well, he was insistent and really wanted to do it, but luckily for me, he had to leave to meet my boss at his house call. As soon as he left, I called my boss and told him that if Dirty Old Man asked about me, I was married! 

When my boss came back from the job, he cracked up and told me that as he worked on this guy's car, the guy talked all about how nice I was and bla bla bla, so my boss piped up with, "Yeah, she's great! I thought I was gonna lose her after she got married, but luckily she's still working for me!" The guy got really quiet and asked, "Oh, she's married?" My boss just said, 'Yep', and the guy never spoke of me again. The guy came in to pay his bill but never even looked at me! No friendly chit chat, no offer to take my tinting off, nothing! It was great!

Eventually Flo moved out and never reopened a shop (her ex never came back), and I found a new eyebrow waxer that was not meth enhanced! (and she gave good hair cuts too!)

*Of course, since this time, I have worked in an actual drug clinic and have discovered that I really get on with most drug addicts. I look back and laugh at my reaction to this poor hairdresser. I hope you all enjoyed laughing at my naiveness as much as I did! Oh, and I of course don't think people in their 40's are old but when I was in my early 20's, any man who was 20 years older than me and hitting on me, was "old"!


  1. lol I'm the same way. I went to a girl that jacked my hair up for the longest time because I didn't have the heart to hurt her feelings. Oh Maggie, what are we gonna do about this? btw my tongue is still pierced and I'll be 40 next year. Giggling at your old comment.

  2. First, that meth lab dog is hysterical. Also, really glad that guy in the picture wasn't your hairdresser.

  3. I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but I like it.

  4. Melynda, sadly that means that we end up with bad haircuts for the sake of being nice...and then you get your hair dyed red for being 'mean' (but we all know Phil deserved it!). LOL
    I probably should share my 'why I got my tongue pierced' story. It is kinda funny since it involves my skinny dipping girls!

    Joshua, gotta love Pinterest for funny photos!

    Matthew, I'm pretty sure that's the exact reasoning for my husband deciding that he should marry me ;)

  5. I'm so naive still LOL! Save me.

    Oh and I LOVE this line: "Don't go around life as a spineless jellyfish who has to please everyone or else you too could end up feeling like you are trapped in a trailer park soap opera and can't get out".

    AWESOME post :)


    Why do woman (& I include myself) feel it's necessary to lie when they want to change hairdressers? There are some who can change husbands without a lie, but not hairdressers!

  7. Coochie? I am naive. What is coochie? Please explain in detail.


  8. I'm so care free with my hair, I just go to the first random hair store I see, usually. Which explains why my hair is always so wild. Great story :]

  9. Elisa, I still have naive moments and consider myself to be fairly innocent in this world, but I also had an eye opening job and learned way too much about intravenous drugs and tips for sex workers (but I had a great co-worker friend and we laughed at some of the crazy 'products' we got in!)

    Fishducky, I still don't talk to my last hairdresser from the States because I'm pretty sure I highly offended her for not asking her to do my hair for my wedding...'s Cookie Monster's naughty cousin and that's the answer I'm sticking to! ;)

    Mike, you are lucky as a guy. If only my husband wasn't so picky. Although he was good the last time he went for a hair cut but I still had to hear his anxiety over going to his first male hairdresser.

  10. Ok, that post was hilarious, but the reply you left Lola flippin cracked me up. Cookie Monster's naughty cousin???...hahahahahahaha

  11. Any yr old hitting on a yr old is a skeevy old dirt bag. I've played the marriage card in my day plenty of times. Nothing wrong with that. Sadly, don't have to use it so much anymore. Guess I should be happy.

  12. Paige, the only problem is that now I've told Lola and Lola is apt to tell a small child and heaven forbid that child's mother has to explain what Coochie Monster eats!

    Vixen, When I got tired of playing the marriage card, my mom suggested that I just buy a fake wedding ring. It worked a bit except it sometimes took a long time for the dirty old men to take their eyes off my chest and glance at the ring on my finger...ewwwie! I'm so glad I don't have to do it anymore now that I'm married and 'retired' ;)

  13. This post was hysterical. No matter your age, any man hitting on you who is 20 years older is just O.L.D. Old! It gets even worse when you're in your 40's and they hit on you. Ick!
    You'd love the lady who does my hair. No drama and she adores Peanut.
    If you want a good haircut, move to TEXAS!!!!
    Just thought I'd throw that in there...


Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?