Tuesday, September 11, 2012

St. Patrick Ran Off The Wrong Animal!

We are over a week into giant spider season and so far, I have only come across one. It was two Saturdays ago, as I was leaving the house to go meet Branden on his lunch break in town. The huge beast was up against the panelling around the front door, making me have to make a terrified dash out the door to pass him. When I met up with Branden, I made him text our house mate from Botswana (since I didn't have his number) to ask him to kill the hopefully still there monstrous spider. Thankfully I got a message back that he killed it, and he also noted that it was really big! When the African in your house says that the spider you texted him to kill was big, it must really be big!

Life went on with no sign of giant spiders. I have a natural spray that I use around the house frequently that is hopefully doing it's job, and I have actually been praying every single night (mostly to get me to fall asleep since I have thoughts of huge spiders crawling on my sleeping face) that God would banish the big spiders from this house! It's really helped me fall asleep and we had a pretty calm, spider free week.

On Sunday morning, Branden got up to take a shower. He always takes a shower first because he takes longer showers and takes his sweet time to get ready in the morning, where as I will wait till I have the most minimal amount of time to get ready before I will budge from my cosy bed. As I was lulling myself back to sleep, I heard the shower start. All of a sudden, a 6'2" naked streak came bursting from the bathroom, grabbed his shoe, and shot back, panicked look on his face, into the bathroom. Bathroom door closed, I then heard a series of pounding noises coupled with loud, terrified breathing. Sadly, I knew it couldn't have been something like a wish granting leprechaun that came up through our drain and lost a shoe so he needed another one to complete his tap dance and grant Branden his wishes of wealth, youth, and a world without spiders. Soon Branden came out of the bathroom with a wild look on his face and confirmed my fears. A massive spider was hiding behind the empty shampoo bottle on the floor of the shower and popped out of it's hiding place as soon as the shower was turned on. Needless to say, I have been trying to hold my bladder since that morning in order to not enter that bathroom of death and fear, and I am considering how long I can go without bathing.

This whole ordeal got me thinking. There is something about being naked that makes running into your biggest fear even more terrifying. Maybe it's because you are more vulnerable, or maybe it's because you know there are 8 eyes looking at your naked body!


  1. I nearly ran into a giant spider the other night when I took the dog out. I kid you not, easily 1.5-inches wide and 2-inches long. He got the jump on me, but I won that war. He is no more.

  2. I figure that if a spider saw me naked, he would die! (Whether from fear or laughter, I'm not sure...)

  3. omg, you had me laughing my ass off. I so know how you feel. be brave little buck a roo.

  4. Okay, Fishducky just made me crack up...I HATE SPIDERS! EVEN CHARLOTTE...

  5. I'd always thought it was the rain that did for the snakes but since there are snakes in the rainforest it would seem not.
    The Spidee's are goin-at-it right now. That's why you are seeing more of them than usual. You really need to get yourself a good state of the art swatter.

  6. Spiders can be nasty and huge here in the land of orange juice, but I seldom see one. However, a huge cockroach was in my closet last week. I put a poison thingy in the closet under a shelf and haven't seen him since. I tried to smack him with my slipper on several occasions, but he zigged when I zagged.


  7. Either way its super creepy! Just kill the bugger and get on with it. Take a shoe or a plank of wood and smash it till it's guts are splattered. Sorry that was gross but I get violent around spiders. Even little ones so imagine what I do with wolf spiders and such!

  8. Not nice I will agree Maggie. No 'big spider' problems here but we do get the odd big cockroach. I had to take one outside to the street last night. I don't kill creatures if there is a better way - Dave

  9. Try to look at it from the spider's point of view... here they are, just trying to make it in the world, and these big bipedal beasts with only two eyes keep killing them by hitting them with books, shoes, or whatever else might be close at hand...


Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?