Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My Very Own Charity

I have been a bit MIA for the past 4 days, I'm way behind in my blog reads, and I have a wisdom tooth that is making me a bit miserable. I had lots of new people stop in and visit and even leave me comments! Welcome newcomers! I will get to you all as soon as I stop gnawing on electrical cords like a teething puppy (note: I DON'T ENDORSE THIS AS A FORM OF WISDOM TOOTH PAIN RELIEF!).

I'm cheating today by digging through my old blog's archives. This was from back in 2005. I created my own charity, but oddly enough, it didn't take off...wonder why???

Feed the Famous

Look around your world and you will see the faces of hunger everywhere. I'm not talking about Africa, Asia, or South America, I'm talking about Hollywood! You see their starving bodies on the covers of magazines as you buy your food at grocery stores. When you are in a store, buying food to eat and providing nourishment for your body, you should be grateful for your blessings but filled with sorrow for the poor starving stars!  


So I'm starting my own charity, Feed The Famous, and for only pennies a day you can help a calorie deprived actress like Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, or your favorite Olsen twin. You will receive* updated photos and stories of your star so you can see them improve over time with the program! Your pennies a day will provide a star with 3 meals a day, a reprieve from their 11 hour workouts, and for some, a much needed rehab program. Don't go through your grocery line just bypassing those starving souls, do something now by calling 1-000-FAT-STAR. You CAN make a difference!

*updated photos and stories are only provided by fashion magazines and must be purchased on your own. This does not mean your star will send you happy stories and color crayon drawings of their families. This charity was created by the sarcastic mind of a Padded Cell Princess who has absolutely no idea what calling that number will even do.

29 comments:

  1. HA HA HA!!! Feed the famous made me laugh! I think Madonna requires human blood in order to live. That's my theory. Pretty sure she's a vampire.

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    1. Madonna a vampire??? That actually makes sense... ;)

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  2. Great idea, Angeline Jolie could do with a few pies. Her elbows look like they could open tins.

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    1. That reminds me, I need a new can opener. Wonder if they sell one in the shape of her elbows? lol

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  3. To TONY--Thank you! You made me realize the reason those "stick figure" stars avoid contact with the public. It's not that they don't want to associate with us common people--they just want to avoid lawsuits caused by accidently cutting people with their needle sharp elbows & shoulder blades.

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    1. You and Tony are definitely on to something!

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  4. What you need is whiskey. I'm not kidding, Padded Cell Princes. And make that two, for I'm gonna join you. Or three, if your car-loving husband needs one, too. I just found out my new threaded comments link doesn't work anymore. That's strike three. Any idea who I should strangle?

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    1. I have an empty whiskey bottle sitting on my husband's nightstand...it's mocking me. Maybe if I close my eyes tight enough and wish hard enough, it will refill! ...here's to hoping!
      I am still stuck with having to go to Firefox to use the threaded comment feature...but it did also stop working and I had to completely shut it down and restart it to get it to work again. I'm not sure who you should strangle but if we figure it out, I'll be there to harpoon them as well!

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  5. Bahaha! You're totally right! They DO need to eat. I'm sorry your charity didn't really make it off of the ground. Had I known about it, I would have made a donation or two.

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    1. Food is wonderful so I don't know why they have such hatred for it! I almost think the charity is more relevant today than it was back in 2005! lol

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  6. I confess that if I see ribs showing - on a backless dress I just want to a) get sick and b) feed the offending stick some burgers. Don't get it - never will.

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    1. Yes! Ribs showing on a backless dress is nasty to me! Usually their spine sticks out like an alien if they are that skinny too! I think they should have hot dog stands along the red carpet. That might help.

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  7. I can't top my friend fishducky's comment above, so I will just applaud you for your charity. Maybe by awards season next year we'll see some results.

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    1. I don't know many who can top a fishducky comment but I like your optimism that next year might get better! Or we'll just have more fad diets and skinny jeans will become like bell bottoms on the models.

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  8. Oooof. I once had super super bad wisdom tooth pain (my mouth hurt for days, but the pain didn't localize so I didn't know what it was originally). I went to the oral surgeon and when he tried to schedule for monday (it was friday) got pretty demandy that HE PULL IT RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW I TELL YOU.

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    1. I have had one wisdom tooth pulled but my other free are all out like regular teeth. I just think they get bored sometimes and decide to piss me off on random days. Thankfully the tooth has calmed down and is back to normal today!

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  9. 1-800-Fat-Star. Love it!!
    Spreading the bloggy love so come get your awards. They'll make your mouth feel better.

    okay probably not...

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    1. I'll take blog love from you anytime ;) lol
      I'm better today so maybe it did help me!

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  10. That post is SOOO true and hilarious.

    Get feeling better. ;)

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    1. Sadly, it's more true today than it was back in 2005!!! Thanks for the well wishes. Things are all good today!

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    1. Us silly girls have to stick together! Good to see you around! :)

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  12. I'll bring the bottle, you bring the harpoon.
    P.S. Great picture by the way - the one where the woman says men wouldn't look at her when she was skinny.

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    1. I've taken a printer on a plane so a harpoon should be a piece of cake! ;) I'm glad you liked the picture. It wasn't working right for the first few hours after I posted the blog but I got it back up. It was too good to leave off!

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  13. Hey girl sorry I'm so late. I was having major issues with my eyes yesterday. Not sure how much longer I will be visiting people. Sorry about your wisdom tooth. That is miserable. TTYL

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    1. No need to apologize. You've got enough going on lady! You are still in my prayers!!
      My tooth is better today so misery is temporarily over. Thanks :)

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  14. Excellent. I want to feed Joyce Carol Oates, the writer. I heard her speak a couple of years ago, and I think she was the skinniest person I've ever seen. Someone needs to apply cookies and ice cream directly to her legs and butt (not me). She's a very prolific writer and she teaches. She needs to take enough time off from her work to eat.

    Love,
    Janie

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Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?