Friday, December 30, 2011

My car's other job was a honey bucket


For those of you who don't know, I don't have a valid driver's license anymore and we haven't owned a car since we left the States 2.5 years ago. Sometimes I miss not having the freedom to jump into my car, turn the radio on, find a nice long country road, and drive my thoughts away...then I remember that I'm in Ireland where the petrol is about the equivalent of $8 a gallon and the roads here are terrifying since they seem more designed for micro machines and are curvy with no hedge control so every corner is a blind corner. Oh yeah, and they drive on the wrong side of the road. Another way for me to not miss driving is to go back into my archives and read stories about my past car woes. This was written back in 2005 and was when I was driving a 1990 Honda CRX. It was a fun car but then it started developing some problems...

The other night I got in my car and smelled gas...like fart gas!  It was beyond sickening and then I remembered that this has happened before. Last year in the fall, it rained consistently for a few days.  You're probably thinking that I should be used to this considering I live in the Pacific Northwest, right?!  Actually where I live, it really doesn't rain that much, so constant rain for days is out of the norm.  Anyway, when this happened last year, I distinctly remember wondering if someone pooped in my car...for some reason there is a dormant poo smell that 'comes alive' when it rains a lot! It has been raining a lot...to say the least...so my car is dominated by the scent of crap! I get in the car and almost expect to turn around and see some balding hobo, in just a greasy wife beater and boxers, eating a KFC bucket of chicken, smiling happily as he just cuts em loose in my car! 

Considering that I have no backseat, this is not possible...surprise, surprise! I've also considered leaving a hidden camera in my car to see if bums are breaking in to use it as an outhouse...Yeah, I drive a 1990 Honda Honey Bucket! I have a wonderful air fresener in the car but it only works when you turn the vents on, so the poo smell lurks until I can get the heater warm enough to turn it on!  Moral of the story:  I NEED A NEW CAR!!! 

Note to readers: Chrissy and I named the 'hobo' Chuck even though we discovered that I just had a leak in my back hatch that was making the carpet wet which apparently makes it smell like poo...it was more fun to blame it on Chuck though!

Also, go visit Melynda at Crazy World today! She is featuring two fabulous bloggers today...and I may just be one of them! Well, I'm way late for the 12hr long Lord of the Rings marathon (but it's ok because I hate the first film and have seen the second one a million times) so I'll be catching up on all of your blogs tomorrow! Happy Friday!

18 comments:

  1. lol you remembered! My car was smelling like that and they told me it was mold in the air vents. Apparently if you don't turn your A/C off at least 5 minutes before you turn the car off condensation builds up and then mold develops. I don't know about you but I'm not turning my A/C off for 5 minutes when it's hotter than hell outside. My parents live in France and they said the same thing about the price of gas. I think I'd walk too :)

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  2. My car often smells like gas. the fart kind, that is. I recently discovered that when my gas bag of a husband and I would arrive home, he would fart in the car just before he would shut the door and go inside the house. Now, when this man farts, the smell lingers for a very long time. Its no wonder my car always smells when i get in!

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  3. While I cannot imagine not having a license, I enjoy driving and would love to take a shot at that road.

    Have a happy New Year!

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  4. Whenever we are in a country where they drive on the "wrong" side of the road we hire a car & driver. (Damn, it's nice to have money.) In an emergency situation, we would tend to swerve to our right--& the oncoming driver would swerve to his left, which would put both cars swerving in the same direction!

    A car that smells like poo is better than a house that smells like poo, & no, we haven't had either--since our kids got out of diapers.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

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  5. Nice to meet you. This crazy lady sent me to stalk you...ha ha ha, happily snooping around. Happy New Year!----Siv Maria

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  6. Melynda sent me, I'll be back! Love the way you write.

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  7. I was enthralled as soon as I saw "honey bucket." When we had a septic tank in Maryland, the lovely gentleman who took care of it for us called his truck "the honey dipper." It was even written on the truck. His was not a job I would want to do, but it did not seem to bother him in the least. My sister who is in the garbage business (as in sending people in trucks to pick it up) is also in the port-a-pottie business. I'd rather not have that job either, but I'm getting to the point where I might be willing to stand outside holding a sign for a business. However, my back and feet are unwilling to sign up, and it would be rather difficult without them.

    Love,
    Lola

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  8. Hello Maggie! I just had to pop over and see what you were all about! I don't think I'd be driving if gas was $8 a gallon either! But, I do love to drive.

    Melynda said you were from Washington, and that's where I'm from (still there!).

    I think the worst thing I ever smelled in my old car was very bad milk. I had put a gallon in the trunk and somehow forgot about it . . . for a long time! I kept smelling this horrid smell, and eventually figured it out. The smell never left. I had to sell the car! (Didn't get much for it, either!)

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  9. Melynda, thanks for the the lovely post about me today! It was such a blessing! I've never heard about the A/C thing but it makes sense is suppose. Luckily, I never lived in a hot enough place to ever really need A/C. Me and heat don't like each other so much, but warmth is my dear friend.

    Aliciamarie, hahahaha! Why do men have to be so gross!?! I tell my husband every once in a while how gross he is but at least he's cute so he can stay around ;)

    Scope, Branden absolutely LOVES driving on the roads here. He thinks it's like practice for rally racing...I've made him turn in a rental car 4hrs early because my butt muscles couldn't handle being clenched tensely any longer!

    Fishducky, one day I wouldn't mind having a personal driver. I actually hope to never drive here which would mean I'd never drive again...odd though maybe but a personal driver does sound fabulous!

    Siv Marie, Welcome to my Cell! The crazy lady is wonderful isn't she! Thanks for stopping in. Now I can go snoop your blog :)

    Carol, thank you! I'm glad you stopped in! Make yourself at home...it's actually pretty easy in a padded cell. ;)

    Lola, honey dipper??? Ewww, I just don't get why people in the septic business even thought that 'honey' would be a good description for their poo boxes! I actually got in a fight with a honey bucket but that's another story for another day :)

    Sandy, it's lovely to meet another Pacific Northwester! Welcome to my cell. I grew up for 25 years on the Olympic Peninsula and my husband did as well. We did feel spoiled but luckily we love it here in Ireland.
    As to your milky car...*gag* ewwwie!! That would be worse than the poop smell I think! You win!! *gag more* I'm off to your blog now so hopefully I don't spew while I'm there ;)

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  10. Blame it on Chuck LOL! That's awesome :0)

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  11. I had that happen in the trunk of a car once. Too funny!
    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

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  12. I'd never miss driving. I hate it. Enjoy your last few hours of 2011!

    Sorry I've been absent lately. That's what happens when I'm home with kids all day.

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  13. Laughed so hard I spat apple and cheese (it just took me 5 times to spell cheese) on to dad's computer. hope he doesn't notice :)

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  14. I know the smell Maggie. We had a car like that too - Dave

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  15. Just be glad the hobo was eating KFC and not Taco Bell bean burritos. It coulda been worse.:)

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  16. I couldn't live without my car. I used public transport when I was younger and it was like sitting inside a can of fart gas with the occassional stench of BO burgers.

    Happy New Year

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  17. I also used to complain to my husband that our car smelled of rotten eggs due to, uhm well, problems in internal combustion. But since we started using air freshener regularly and having our car maintained, the smell grew less powerful. Oh well, just pray that you can own even just a second-hand car next year, sweetie.

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Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?