Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Revenge will be sweet!

Dear hair,

Consider this your notice. In a few hours, you will be meeting your doom. I am no longer going to put up with your shenanigans and have every intention of making your attempts to show up in every part of my room, bed, clothing, kitchen, laundry room, bathroom drain, and even my shoes, to an end. I have been kind and turned my head at the times where you have matted yourself around my tank top straps while in the washing machine, but when my housemate tells me that he finds you in his laundry, I draw the line!

I also don't appreciate how you always tend to blow into my armpit while I walk in the wind, because it makes it difficult for me to turn my head! Also, I don't like how you trap my head when I sit down because you find a nice cosy spot between my lower back and the back of the chair. You apparently like my cooking as you make your way into my food much too often, which causes the odd conversation with my husband about having to wear a hairnet like a cafeteria woman. Branden also doesn't appreciate that you like to find yourself down his shirts and even in his beard.

We've had a good run and maybe I should be blaming my age instead of you for finding strands of you everywhere, but oh well,  you have no choice. I'm taking you in and I just hope my frustration with you doesn't cause me to mutilate you to oblivion. I would like to keep you long but you need to learn to cooperate. Luckily, my round face has put in a good word for keeping you long so I may just listen, but you will definitely pay a hefty price today.

Farewell and good luck. I do hope you survive but I also hope you suffer a bit...like the suffering you put me through when I accidentally inhale you when you blow into my mouth and you practically visited my stomach, causing much gagging when I have to pull you out!]

Deepest sympathies,

Before (stay tuned for after)

I also have to note that my hair actually looks fairly decent in that shot. Don't let it fool you! It's just trying to make a last attempt at saving itself!


  1. Can't wait to see the after! Such suspense!

  2. I'm thinking I'll keep my hair the way it is, and then if I ever get a book published, I'll offer to show video of myself shaving my head if I sell 1,000 copies.

    Can't wait for the after here!

  3. Excited to see the after!

  4. Wow! Your hair is so long! Adios hair!

  5. Beautiful hair. But I get what a pain in the ass it can be. Other than a nice long braid, I think your only option is to cut it. Just be sure you are ready as it may be quite a shock to you after all these years. Can't wait to see pictures.

  6. hahaha I feel your pain. I get particularly frustrated when it gets stuck under my purse shoulder strap, slammed in the car door, or rolled up the car window. (Believe it or not, these things happen way too often). Good luck, Maggie's hair!

  7. I wish my hair would grow that long! Every time it starts to get long I end up cutting it (and regretting it) Are you going to donate yours? You have really pretty hair, so that might be something to think about.

    1. Hey 20-something...you sound alot like me. I have the same-let it grow, cut it thing going on. Your comment about donating to Locks of Love or something similar was great!

  8. I was glad The Hurricane kept her hair long while she was in college. I would find 28-inch strands when she was at school, so a little bit of her stayed with me. I'm more grown up now, so it's o.k. that she cut it short.


  9. You've got great hair, it's so long I think I've found some of it in MY food.

  10. My wife has long, curry red hair, and my daughter straight brown hair.

    I know your husbands pain. But I would die if either of them cut it short.

  11. Your hair is so gorgeous! But, I understand because I chopped mine and never looked back. Good luck, it is a big step!

  12. That's a lot of hair! I wonder if it's gonna be a trim or a serious change. I can only imagine what it must be like to have hair that's making a last attempt at saving itself. :))

  13. Oh, it always looks great on the day you chop it off. It's just how it twists the scissors in a little deeper...

    I can't WAIT to see your hair!

  14. @Joshua: take it from experience: shaved heads get very cold in the winter!


Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?