A Different Sort of Waxing Story

Yesterday I shared a story about my dad, so today, I'm digging back to my original Padded Cell Confessions blog and will share with you a post about my mom. This was also my first ever post that I wrote back in August 2005:

My Saturday was supposed to be a relaxing fun day with my family; celebrating my uncle's 50th birthday. But of course reality decided that a normal day is not possible with the 'chlorine-lacking' gene pool that I come from.

I got out of my nice hot shower to hear my mother yelling for me. It was quite a surprise to find her sitting on the kitchen counter with her feet in the sink and looking quite distressed. Apparently my mother has a hobbit somewhere in her family tree, which is evident from specific hair growth on her feet. Since she is not going to be cast in Peter Jackson films anytime soon, she decided to wax the nasty hair (that I pray every night has not somehow made it into my list of 'wonderful' traits picked up by my family).

Anyway, I don't know if she just dumped hot wax on her feet or what, but both of her feet were coated in an extremely sticky mess. She tried to get it off with whatever cleaning product was closest to her on the counter, and unfortunately for her it was fruit cleaner. She scrubbed it on her feet, trying to get it off, but only succeeded in getting it all over her hands as well. It was at this point she yelled for me to save her.

I asked her what to use to get it off and she quickly told me wax remover. Great! We had a solution.  Except when I asked where the wax remover was, she informed me that it was at the store. She was too cheap to buy it. So for the next 20 minutes I tried rubbing alcohol, nail polish remover, and was about to try Goof Off, when she suggested vegetable oil. I thought that was the dumbest suggestion ever...until it worked! So my poor mom was stranded on the kitchen counter for about 45 minutes until she was saved by the magical powers of Canola Oil...and me!

After this whole fiasco, we took off for the lake for my uncle's party. Now about a month or two ago, my uncle was a 'small time hero' for some troubled paddle-boaters. So for a gift, my aunt made him a special hero suit. She had an old Coast Guard life jacket (complete with flare, whistle, and flashing light that really looks likes a taser) and she sewed a cape onto it! Of course all superhero's believe in safety first so she accessorized it with super goggles. And what superhero is complete without a song? I have been known to make up some pretty interesting ones so I got to work right away. It's to the tune of the Spiderman theme song.

 'Super Greg, Super Greg. He will lend you an arm or leg. He can run, he can dive; But he can't fly so he'll have to drive. Look out! Here comes Super Greg!'

Don't worry, I won't even consider becoming a song writer!

*We could almost be in Awkward Family Photos since my dad had the longest hair of any of us in this photo and I look like I've smelled someone's fart. This was the church directory photo too!