My car's other job was a honey bucket

For those of you who don't know, I don't have a valid driver's license anymore and we haven't owned a car since we left the States 2.5 years ago. Sometimes I miss not having the freedom to jump into my car, turn the radio on, find a nice long country road, and drive my thoughts away...then I remember that I'm in Ireland where the petrol is about the equivalent of $8 a gallon and the roads here are terrifying since they seem more designed for micro machines and are curvy with no hedge control so every corner is a blind corner. Oh yeah, and they drive on the wrong side of the road. Another way for me to not miss driving is to go back into my archives and read stories about my past car woes. This was written back in 2005 and was when I was driving a 1990 Honda CRX. It was a fun car but then it started developing some problems...

The other night I got in my car and smelled gas...like fart gas!  It was beyond sickening and then I remembered that this has happened before. Last year in the fall, it rained consistently for a few days.  You're probably thinking that I should be used to this considering I live in the Pacific Northwest, right?!  Actually where I live, it really doesn't rain that much, so constant rain for days is out of the norm.  Anyway, when this happened last year, I distinctly remember wondering if someone pooped in my car...for some reason there is a dormant poo smell that 'comes alive' when it rains a lot! It has been raining a lot...to say the least...so my car is dominated by the scent of crap! I get in the car and almost expect to turn around and see some balding hobo, in just a greasy wife beater and boxers, eating a KFC bucket of chicken, smiling happily as he just cuts em loose in my car! 

Considering that I have no backseat, this is not possible...surprise, surprise! I've also considered leaving a hidden camera in my car to see if bums are breaking in to use it as an outhouse...Yeah, I drive a 1990 Honda Honey Bucket! I have a wonderful air fresener in the car but it only works when you turn the vents on, so the poo smell lurks until I can get the heater warm enough to turn it on!  Moral of the story:  I NEED A NEW CAR!!! 

Note to readers: Chrissy and I named the 'hobo' Chuck even though we discovered that I just had a leak in my back hatch that was making the carpet wet which apparently makes it smell like poo...it was more fun to blame it on Chuck though!

Also, go visit Melynda at Crazy World today! She is featuring two fabulous bloggers today...and I may just be one of them! Well, I'm way late for the 12hr long Lord of the Rings marathon (but it's ok because I hate the first film and have seen the second one a million times) so I'll be catching up on all of your blogs tomorrow! Happy Friday!

The Joy of Christmas

And so ends another Christmas season. I was feeling good by Christmas Eve night and when Branden got home from work, we enjoyed a dinner of chicken roulade stuffed with chorizo, red pepper, garlic, and sheep's cheese. For those of you who have never had the amazing wonder that is sheep's cheese, you are missing out! It tastes nothing like goat's cheese (which is good because I loath goat's cheese) and has no gamey flavor at all. It reminds me of a soft parmesan. Anyhoo, with a side of brussel sprouts and honey carrots, we were happy campers. Our house was empty, as all of our housemates went to be with their families, so we took full advantage of the lone house and left our empty coco mugs on the coffee table in the living room over night! (we're so bad!!!)

Christmas morning was great. We slept in and relished in the fact that we had a morning and an entire day to be together. Branden had been working from Wed-Sat so we were very much missing each other by Christmas. There was no tree, no presents to be opened, and no family to laugh with, but it oddly was a wonderful Christmas morning. I suppose it just put the true meaning of Christmas into perspective as we were very grateful that we had each other and that God had taken care of us in this new adventure in Ireland. We had already received a box of goodies from Branden's parents, Chrissy, my sis & bro-in-law,  the laptop, and another box from my parents is still on the way, but the entire week, we had solely been looking forward to just being together for Christmas.

So we took our time, Branden made his famous scrambled eggs, and we just enjoyed every moment we had. At 2:00pm, we headed to our friend's house for Christmas lunch/dinner. We feasted on tons of delicious food, played lots of fun games, and laughed like loons. We had an epic game of pictionary where we drew with dry erase markers on the tiled floor and divided the teams by tipping the dining room table on it's side to block and prevent peeking. It was fabulous!

When we got home, we were able to catch my parents on Skype before they headed over to my grandparent's house for their Christmas dinner. We then Skype'd Branden's parents and got to see his brother too. Then we finally Skype'd my sis and bro-in-law, where our oldest nephew showed us some of his new treasures and the little one entertained us due to his gingerbread sugar high. It was great to finish off Christmas day with family. Even though we couldn't be with them, it was still nice to see their faces and have them be part of our first Irish Christmas.

Yesterday, I felt as if my cold was coming back. I don't think it was, but I think all the fun, chatting, and laughing from Christmas day maybe was a bit much from my previous week of laying low and resting a lot. We took it easy all day, watching TV movies, snuggling under the blankets, and looking at random stuff on Pinterest. I feel better today, I just have lots of 'leftovers' floating around my upper body. Today we will continue to take it easy with our highlight being a run to the store for groceries. Branden goes back to work tomorrow so we are enjoying the rest of our time together while it lasts.

Did everyone else have a lovely Christmas?

*Drool* *Snore* *Dream*

I don't have much time. It will be coming soon and when it does, it will take me completely. I just want to let you all know that I am feeling much better. Branden brought home a cocktail of meds from the big pharmacy in town last night and they are working wonders. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and understand that I probably won't be able to personally wish you it on your own sites today because, it's here...

...The pills Branden brought are fabulouzzzzz.....they just make me really zzzzleeeepy....zzzo I'll be zzzpending the day like a cat....zzzo long and Merry Chrizzztmazzz....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

3 days to get better...

I'd give an update on my condition but I can't type in whine. Basically just re-read yesterday's post but imagine me with much less sleep.

This means I'm cheating on my post today and just sharing an old post from 2005. I used to do shaped posts which were kind of cool looking but super hard to do. I hope you enjoy!

                                           I  like to                                          $

                                     eat candy canes.                                   %

                              I love the peppermint taste;                           $

                       it is so good!  The fruity ones are a

                bit funky but I'll still eat them. The one thing

             that I don't like about       candy  canes is  that

            they can cut the roof         of your mouth so bad

            you may as well be           licking  a razor  blade!

            You think that  it's             just the red  coloring

            that's  starting to              run; but in reality it is

           your blood! Lucky              the peppermint covers

           the taste  of  the                blood but it also burns

          the cut really bad.               The candy cane gets a

           sharp ridge in it                  which  really hurts if a

                                                   taste bud gets stuck in

                                                    it! Then  your tongue            $

                                                   starts bleeding,adding           %

                                                   more bleeding parts in           $

                                                   your mouth.  Still  the

                                                   flavoring  covers that

                                                   yucky blood taste but

                                                   now  it's causing  your

                                                   mouth  to  burn  even

                                                   more!  Nothing  says

                                                   Merry Christmas  like

                                                   a kid  with a  smiling,

                                                   bloody mouth all due

                                                   to that  wonderfully

                                                   great holiday treat:

                                                   The candy cane! Do

                                                    you have any idea               $

                                                      how difficult this                % 

                                                        was to write?                   $

                                                  

*Note: this horrible mouth torture also applies to the countless amounts of throat lozenges I've been consuming. It felt like my satsuma had battery acid in it instead of citric acid this morning and my Irish version of lemon Theraflu (which means it has nothing helpful in it) made my throat even more sore. Well, Branden left me some money so I should probably shower and head to the Pharmacy.

*Cough* *Hack* *Sneeze*

It's another day and I'm still not feeling well. Branden did a wonderful job of taking care of me yesterday but I think he was really hoping for my sore throat to cause me to lose my voice...

I will admit it, I am completely pathetic and miserable when I'm sick. Whenever I was sick growing up, my mom would get me cozy on the couch, let me watch tv all day, and bring me anything I wanted. Branden's mom did this to him too but he didn't enjoy it so much. He said that he would go crazy just laying around all day...I find that silly.

I sometimes think that he knows me too well for us to only have been married for 2.5 years. Although I think we spend more time together than most any other newlywed couple. We had a conversation last night in bed that had me laughing and amazed at how well he knew my mind.

Branden: You are already needy when you aren't sick but when you are sick, you get extra needy. (note: "Needy" isn't a bad term in our house. It usually refers to our need to be cuddled and loved on) Any little thing can cause you to go into a tantrum. Like when I gave you your hot toddy and you tried to put it on your side table but there was another mug in the way.

Me: (In my head I'm thinking, Oh yes, I had too much stuff on my side table so there was only one place to put my mug...but another mug was in the way and I didn't know what to do. All I did was let out one miserable moan of frustration and Branden seemed to know instantly what my "dilemma" was.")


Branden: That's why when you whined, I instantly told you to just hand me the empty mug. You were on the verge of losing it just because a mug was in your way! If you weren't sick, you would have just put it over on the dresser but when you are sick, you can't seem to make any extra effort and expect everything to be done and perfect for you.

Me: (laughing at how scarily spot on he was) That is exactly what I was thinking! It's kind of freaky that you know me this well. I'm sorry you have to deal with me when I'm sick and miserable. You take such good care of me.

So yes, I am a miserable whiner when I don't feel good. Luckily Branden knows how to deal with me well enough but he's off to work all day today so I have to handle my tantrums on my own...and my night table is still cluttered...

So who wants to come take care of me???

Maybe there is such a thing as too much chocolate?

Somehow yesterday, I completely forgot to also mention my string of lights that I made from needle felting.

It's hard to see but I have blue, red, yellow, and green felted bulbs sewed to a cord. I have made other ornaments but I just haven't taken photos of them.

Today is a weird day. I got a lot done yesterday, we sent out the boy's toys, went to the bank, and even met up with some friends for the most amazing hot chocolate. I had a cinnamon dark chocolate and it was practically like drinking 3 melted chocolate bars...which isn't as good as it sounds. It was so thick, I started to feel a bit sick and had everyone else help me finish it. As Branden and I walked home, I started to feel more sick and more sick. I ended up sticking close to the bathroom for a few hours and then I went to bed at 7:30pm.

I don't know what it is about sleeping while sick but I always seem to dream that I have a lot to do, so then I end up having very stressful and restless sleep. Finally at 3am, I took advantage of something fabulous that Chrissy sent me and I just got on Saturday...Tylenol PM! It was a generic version but worked wonders! We don't have fabulous things like that over here so I was grateful to have it last night.

My stomach is better today but I still feel off. My throat is scratchy and phlegmy and I am wiped out. I think my body is debating on either to give me a cold or a flu but is taking it's time deciding. Luckily Branden has today off so he's been taking care of me.

Well, I may just take a nap. Hopefully my body doesn't decide to kill me as a third, random option. There are lots of fun Christmas movies and shows on so at least I will die happy. Too bad nobody over here knows what "A Christmas Story" is so I can't flip to a 48hr marathon of it at any given time.

6 days to go folks!

Less than a week until Christmas!!! That means my nephews probably won't get their toys in time because we are finally getting in to the post office today...oops! Bad Auntie Moo and Uncle B!

Hunter wanted some more needle felted dinosaurs to go with the two that I made for his birthday. I had a bit of fun making them and I think he'll really like them too.

The yellow one is my attempt at a brachiosaurus and the blue one is my attempt at a triceratops. Here's another angle of them.

For Brady, I made him a stuffed penguin that he can chuck at his brother, bite its head, or stomp on it if he wanted to.

I just hope he doesn't pull the tail off as soon as he gets it. The red blotch by his tail is a heart. I had to put some mushy Auntie thing on it.

Oh and as for the gloves I made out of an old sweater, which I also made the penguin out of the same old sweater, here's a shot of those.

Branden had to tie the bows because I suck at bows. Anyhoo, I hope you all have a fantastic week leading up to Christmas and my shared music today isn't the normal music type thing. It's actually a really cute video I saw on a friend's facebook page but it does have a cutsie song at the end so I'll call that close enough. This is a video of the Christmas Story told by some adorable Australian kids. I couldn't get over how sweet they were, how cute the sheep were, and how miserable the poor donkey must have been! I hope you enjoy it! We got a bit of a laugh out of it!

Christmas via My Brain

Wahoo! It's Friday! I know that this typically means nothing to me since my 'forced retirement' when we moved here in March, but it does mean something for Branden! Finally after weeks and weeks of him sitting at the desk, looking totally sexy and taunting me with his wavy hair and good style typing out the first chapter of his PhD he turned it in this afternoon, which means he can pay more attention to me relax and be done with school for a while! Of course he still has work and he will be working more over Christmas as most of his co-workers are taking time off and he's covering for them, but at least his mind can be a bit more at ease and he'll stop using such big words all the time.

He had me edit his chapter yesterday. Considering that my most exciting read in the past few months has been Wind in the Willows, I decided that I should get my thinking cap out. It took a bit of searching, but when I finally found it, it was half buried in dust, some mice had chewed some holes in it, and I'm pretty sure it shrunk. After 3 hours of praying that there were no spiders in the cobwebs, I plucked up the courage to put it on and start editing...all 21 pages...

Talk about a killjoy! Currently he's writing about representations of the Virgin Mary in the Nativity scene in late medieval Ireland, and considering the time of year it is, reading this sucked a bit of magic out of the season! Now I won't be able to sing "Away in a Manger" because when I get to the part where we sing, "...but little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes..." I will just be thinking, "The Biblical account gives no detail to how Jesus was as a baby but because a Franciscan monk back in 1300 or something, decided that the Son of God would not be a baby who cried, we have stuck this idea into our Christmas carols!". Sure it's a nice idea that Jesus slept through the night and never cried but how would he have notified the mortals around him that he had pooped? Did the Franciscan monks consider a crying baby to be unholy but a pooping baby was totally fine?

And don't even get me started on Mary breastfeeding! Branden has a huge section on that because there were a lot of depictions of Mary breastfeeding baby Jesus and some of them are quite hysterical!

I suppose now that I know the meaning and significance behind this type of image I can't laugh as much, but the first time I saw images like this in Branden's text books, I was giggling like a hyena! Basically, the "simplified Maggie version" is that back in medieval times, breast milk was considered to be white blood. So Mary was giving her blood to Jesus by breastfeeding him and thus when he died and shed his blood for all of humanity, Mary's blood was part of that, thus making her a key role to salvation in the church at that time. Images, like the one above, show her milk to have healing powers and to be sacred, as Jesus's blood was considered.

Ok, now that you have all learned something for today (some of you should probably wake up now and stop drooling on your keyboards), I can basically sum up my frustration in that most all of our Nativity scenes and ideas of how the Christmas story went came from late medieval monks. Now that I have read where they actually came up with their ideas and philosophies, I am forever ruined. Ignorance really is bliss!

Oh, and on a side note, Branden will also be looking at representations of Mary at the foot of the cross so now my Easter will be ruined as well!

Google Hits Make Me Giggle

My world could not look anymore picturesque at the moment. I have a nice warm, winter sweater on, my fluffy white comforter is keeping my toes toasty as the winds howl at the window, and both me and my husband are plopped on the bed engrossed in our own laptops! Of course the stuff on his laptop screen is much more boring as he types away at his school work, but mine is full of blog friends, facebook, and my addiction: Pinterest! Oh, and did I mention that my laptop is bigger than Branden's...

Ahhh, life is sweet and nothing can spoil it...oh wait, the house cleaner just arrived, and as usual left the front door wide open regardless of the fact that we have 65-75mph winds, it's freezing outside, and our heater only comes on for about an hour, 2 times a day! Branden went out and closed the door (after she had already been here for a good 5 minutes) and tried to tell her to close the door, but she speaks very little English...see, it doesn't just happen in America! First World problems, I know, but it's not like I even arranged for this person to come clean the house. It's my landlady's staff and I'm sorry but they suck. It would be less bother if they just soaped a cat and dog up and let them loose in the house to chase each other... things would probably be more clean that way too. I'm really hoping our landlady comes by because she is the only one who has a key to the heating system, and despite complaining already, has yet to change the heating settings from what they were back in October! Plus, she has this ridiculous thing about having the water heater shut off from 10am-4:30pm, but somehow it has changed and we sometimes don't have hot water again until 7pm. I have taken many a cold shower since living here and no, it still doesn't inspire me to wake up any earlier. We also have mold in our room and bathroom. A lot of my American friends would flip out over this thought but I have yet to find a place that doesn't have mold over here (including Scotland). The air is just damp, no matter what the temperature, and my windows are dripping with condensation every day (we even have nice double paned windows!). I have found the easiest way to defrost my windows is to put candles on the sills...except I am out of candles at the moment...handy.

What contrasting paragraphs! Sorry for my rant. I just needed to get that off my chest. I actually did have something for your enjoyment planned today. My blog stats have been basically doubling ever month and it does have a bit to do with all of the search engine hits I get now. Branden and I love looking at my search engine hits since they can be so random and hilarious! Here are some recent ones along with my commentary.

statue with ugly christmas sweater: I love the thought of the Lincoln Monument dressed to the nines in a 3D, light up, Rudolf, tinsil attrocity! That would be quite the hit, but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon, so I wonder what this searcher was expecting to find? The only statues I know of that get dressed up are the statues in Fremont (Seattle) by the bridge. Random people love dressing those statues up and it's pretty awesome actually!

I suppose I could understand that person's quest, but the person looking up perverted ugly christmas sweaters...ewwww! I hope when you found my site from your searching that it chewed you out and washed your brain out with soap!

Moving on, do you remember my rant about leotards? This caused a slew of google hits, including these doozies:
fashion leotards:  I find this to be an oxymoron
men in leotards/leotard man:  why?why?why?
platypus leotard:  ummm....? Where do you even come up with that?

Do you also remember my rant about idiots on Pinterest who didn't know anything about animals?? That is the reason for this next search hit.
baby owls have long skinny legs:  and I'm so glad you know that dear searcher, because then you would know automatically that the photo of the 'baby owl' wasn't legit since it had tiny baby hampster legs! I have come to the point where I don't even look at the nature or pet section on Pinterest anymore because too many people are insanely stupid and gullible. For instance:

Click Here for Photo

This has been all over Pinterest and labeled: "Baby llama OMG!"...do you see how small those blades of grass are??? Did you not ever have a grandma with creepy stuffed toys all over her house??? It's just a toy!

Maybe my ranting has been all brought about by these slightly insulting searches that have managed to find me:
blogspot humiliation:  am I that bad that I should feel humiliated? Did a post have toilet paper stuck to the bottom of it and I didn't notice?? I know Branden hasn't been able to edit all of my posts lately but is my grammar that bad??
gross girl:  my hair is still wet from my shower, I'll have you know! I am far from gross and I have a husband to prove it (oh wait, so did half of the Jerry Springer guests...although some 'spouses' were livestock)

Although, I will say that I felt my blog status raised to a new level of cool when it was discovered usuing this google search:
omg don't tell superman:  That's right! He'd be pissed to find out that I was much cooler than him! True, my site has a smaller following than Superman, but apprently Google recongnizes that I am a threat...

And finally, just another way for my husband to show off that he's a genius:
смешные новогодние картинки: I looked at this and thought, "What in the world??? Where in the world???" and Branden takes one look at it and pipes up with, "Oh, it's Russian!". (show off!) And of course he was right too. I put it through a Russian translator to discover that my Northern readers are finding me by looking up "funny Christmas pictures". It's good to know they still have a sense of humor and it hasn't frozen off after many a cold winter spent in Russia!

Overjoyed and a bit Overwhelmed

After much excitement and a bit of waiting, my new laptop has arrived! It was also an exciting morning as our Christmas box from my in-laws arrived so Branden and I felt a bit like kids on Christmas morning today! We also got our first Christmas card in the mail. It was from my grandparents which was sweet. I have always been close to them and it's always hard this time of year to be away from them. From the time I was born, every year my family would have Christmas Eve dinner with my grandparents and dad's family, go to the Christmas Eve service at their church, and then spend the night at their house so we could have Christmas morning with them. Since my sis and I were the youngest of their grandkids, they loved getting to continue the fun of having Christmas with little ones. We always had so much fun and Grandma and Grandpa loved to sit back and see Katie and me get all excited over our toys. We had the year when I was 3 that we got our kittens, then a bit later we had the year where we got our baby buggies, and then a little later we had the year that Katie and I confused all the adults by eating the cookies and drinking the milk before they did...so much fun and so many memories. I spent Christmas Eve night at their house every year until I was 22 and at that age, I lived only 2 houses down from them but still walked over to keep up the tradition.

After Christmas morning at Grandma and Grandpa's house, we would then drive over to my mom's side of the family to enjoy more presents, food, and fun with my Granny, Aunt, Uncles, and cousins. We were quite close to both sides of my parent's families, especially since most of them lived in the same area, and I feel very blessed for that. Now we are all grown up and have a slew of little ones taking up the next generation. My grandparents on my dad's side have (if I am counting right) 24 great grand kids and Granny on my mom's side has 6. We are a bit more spread out now but we still have a deep connection filled with lots of great memories.

Fun with some cousins: (from left to right) Me, Bonny (our Irish Setter), Colby, Katie, Jennie

This will be my second Christmas in a row being away from family which is a bit tough since I do miss them a lot and we had such a great tradition of being together at Christmas. Branden and I won't be alone though. We will be spending Christmas with friends and their families so we do feel very blessed this Christmas as we did last Christmas when a friend from the US stayed with us. As some of you may have figured out by now, I love Christmas music and one of my favorite Christmas albums is Third Day's Christmas Offerings. There is one song at the end of the CD though that manages to make me cry EVERY TIME I hear it! It's about adoption but it always makes me think of how my parents must be feeling to not have me or my sis home for Christmas and so I can't help but lose it knowing how much they miss us. Dang! I can't even write about it without losing it!

*tissue break*

Anyway, I do feel very blessed this year, especially now since I'm sitting on my bed, surrounded by blessings bestowed on me by such wonderful people and the mail service didn't dropkick through my front door! It's been a tough year for Branden and me but we have grown so much, made such wonderful new friends, and seen miracle after miracle and blessing after blessing. If you get to be with your family for Christmas this year, give them some extra hugs. There are a lot of us out there who wish we could simply do that on Christmas day.

Oh, and if anyone thinks that I have turned into a Country Music lover, I will chuck a candy cane at you because Third Day isn't actually a country band (they can just get a bit twangy every once in a while!).

My Wild Party Days...

Growing up in a town with a city population under of 5,000, with a majority of that population being senior citizens, there wasn't much to do...there still isn't. A lot of my childhood activities included hunting and fishing with my dad. I was his tom-boy, so I've been bear hunting, deer hunting, grouse hunting, salmon and trout fishing, crabbing, shrimping, and clamming. When I got to high school, my girly friends and I had to come up with other things to do.

There was a 'dance club' but only sad cases (or as we loving called them, "losers") went there, so that was out. Restaurants closed at about 8:30pm, except one that was open till the wee hours of 10pm, so that was out too. The next town over did have a 24 hour cafe open but it was at the docks and lots of creepy, grimy men went there...so not a chance. We liked to try to stay up all night so we needed some form of entertainment, and the only places open for 24 hours were the grocery stores!

On a Friday night, me and the girls would watch a movie and chat till about 2am, when we just couldn't take being in anymore; then it was off to the grocery store, blanket in hand. We would usually buy some cookies or something to snack on, lay the blanket in the magazine isle, and sit, snack and read magazines for a while! It was late, so no customers would come in, and we were welcome company for the bored employees. When one of our stores was under construction, we went there and would talk to the construction guys. We read them their horoscopes and did quizzes; it was actually pretty fun!

There were always other things we could have been doing but none of us were party people, and our parents trusted us and gave us the freedom we craved. In high school, I only went to one party and it was by random chance. A group of us were hanging out when someone got a call from their friend who was at a party, drunk, and needed to be picked up. So we all piled into the car, parked it in a store parking lot down the road, walked to the party and tried to find him in the smelly, nasty mess of drunk teens. When we finally did find him, we heard someone yell, "If you aren't 21 you better run cuz the cops are here!" Since my friends and I hadn't been drinking, except the one we were picking up, we didn't know what to do. I looked at my friend Alicia and with a smile said, "What other chance are WE ever going to get to run from the cops?"

So we took off through a field, someone lost a shoe, I got my leg tangled in a blackberry bush, but we made it to the car and it was one of the most fun things we did! What a rush! I went home that night and woke my mom up to tell her, she laughed and said we were dorks!

Now that you know what kind of a party girl I am, I find this video a bit fitting. A friend of mine here shared it with me and I died laughing! He has other videos too but I still thing this is the best one.

Oh Husband, You Make Me Laugh

One night, Branden was done writing so I had the computer. I was sitting on the bed, checking my email, when I noticed something odd. Branden was standing next to the bed, facing his night stand, and was lunging towards it with his foot. He stomped in front of the night stand and then drew his leg back, and stomped again...and again.

Curiosity getting the best of me (and terror that he could be trying to kill a big bug!), I finally asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

He just looked at me with a quirky smile, pointed to his mug of water, and replied, "I'm playing Jurassic Park!"

I laughed at him, but I can't deny never trying to recreate the T-Rex scene with a glass of water. (Please tell me you have done this too!)

The next funny thing with Branden will be worded into a Tip of the Day:

Brushing your teeth is never an appropriate time to try and blow out a candle!

If he wasn't so high into his education, I might worry...

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! I have blogged!

Since I still have a bit of a waiting until my new laptop comes (eeeeeee! I still can't believe it and am so excited!!!), I spent a decent part of Saturday preparing blog posts for this entire week. Branden worked Saturday so that gave me unlimited internet time, and I even got to read a few friends' blog posts (I miss you all!!). So what has Branden been hogging the computer for in the first place, you ask? He's been writing an essay that's going to become the first chapter of his PhD dissertation. This means he's past the 'read for months' stage and is now into writing mode...for the next 2.5 years! This laptop couldn't come at a more perfect time!

Besides Branden taking the laptop and disconnecting me from the world, he also is a big doodie head and won't let me have a kitty, or a puppy, or a tiger (there's a commercial on TV that says for just 2 euros a month we can adopt a tiger!). Ok, so the landlady is the bigger doodie head because we can't have pets at our house, which I hate to admit makes sense because it's a shared house and people may have allergies, yada yada yada, but I like to blame someone who can hear me and Branden is typically the only one around. He asked me the silly question of where we would even keep a tiger, but I pointed out the obvious: we have a king sized bed! Who wouldn't want to cozy up to a tiger every night? Then he asked how we would feed it, but yet again I was quick to answer. We'd just take it to the dog park! It's not an official dog park. It's just a park nearby that lots of people let their dogs run wild in, so we'd really be helping to enforce the leash laws (if they have them in Ireland). He's still against the tiger thing, so in true Christmas spirit, I'm going to try for something different. 

The funny thing about this song is that my nickname with my fabulous best friend Chrissy is "hippo". It all came about when a very skinny friend of ours complained about her body and we sarcastically stated, "Yeah, you are such a whale!" She found this quite funny and it made her feel better so we all came up with fat animals for nicknames. I became "hippo" and Chrissy became "water buffalo". It really does put things in perspective if I'm complaining about my legs and Chrissy says, "Well you are a hippo you know!" I generally feel much better after that because seriously, have you seen the size of hippo legs?? At least God made me a human and not a hippo, so I shouldn't complain.

Anyhoo, I hope you all have a wonderful Monday! I can't promise I'll get to read your blogs this week or comment back, but thanks to Joshua and the wonderful person who covered the shipping, I should be able to be back and running sometime next week! (if you haven't gone and kissed his feet on his blog yet, you must do so now!) Also, pray that the best of the best mail crew handle the precious laptop...most post seems to be handled by a bunch of armless orangutans. Here's to hoping it arrives working and in one piece!

My Beloved Blog Family

I only have a couple of minutes before I have to rush out to a birthday party but I had to share. My heart is so full and ready to burst! After my post just 2 days ago, Joshua from Viva La Nerd emailed me to let me know that he had worked on his spare laptop, got it all ready for me, and even had a 'gracious benefactor' offer to pay the shipping! He shipped it off this morning so I will probably have it sometime next week!

I will admit, I read his email and cried. I am just so overwhelmed by the wonderful people in my blogging community and am very grateful for all of you in my life. Branden had to talk me into blogging again back in April but I'm so glad I did it! I have met such wonderful people who, even though we've never met face to face, I consider to be dear friends of mine.

Thank you so much Joshua and thank you generous benefactor for this wonderful blessing that you have given to me!

I'm Thankful for Elastic Waistbands

Today is a great day to spend in my pajama pants. I had a really hard time just trying to fit breakfast into my still stuffed belly...it was a great Thanksgiving! Branden and I hadn't had an actual Thanksgiving meal in 2 years, so it was wonderful to taste all of those wonderful foods again. Although, I will say that I really am a sad excuse for an American because normally Thanksgiving food does little to excite me. Turkey is not my favorite meat, I am not a fan of pumpkin pie, stuffing is really iffy, and cranberries just make me think of a UTI. This has actually been a good thing for me in the past because it meant that I was the only person not engorging themselves to the point of sickness. With all that said, my mom-in-law introduced me to fabulous twists on Thanksgiving food that had me unbuttoning my pants and heading for seconds! Last night's food was also amazing, and I happily did my part in eating like a true American.

We couldn't find butterscotch because it's not very popular over here so we had to make our sweet potatoes with brown sugar and cinnamon with marshmallows on the top...the Germans were baffled (as well as most of the other non-Americans at our feast). It was a hit though, and I don't think there was much, if any, left by the end of the night. It was actually my first time making sweet potatoes and my first time eating them like this because as I said above, it wasn't my kind of food...or so I thought.

We left the festivities a little early so that we could Skype my parents. My mom and dad were hosting Thanksgiving at their house so we got to see my grandparents, my aunt, a few cousins, and my cousin's almost 2 year old son. He is so cute! It was really nice to see everyone again and give a little catch up. I'm pretty sure my grandpa wasn't able to hear anything we said since he's so deaf, but he still sat in the room and smiled at us through the screen.

Now that Thanksgiving is done and dusted, I can officially hound you all with Christmas stuff!

Or for all you cat lovers out there:

Moral of the videos: Let your dog do your decorating and let your cat do the tear down!

I hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving as well! Or for my non-American readers, I hope you had a good ole' regular Thursday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Since most of you will be busy with Thanksgiving tomorrow, I'm posting my festive wishes today. Branden and I are going to a Thanksgiving dinner with friends so we will be busy as well. Hopefully we can make my mom-in-law's butterscotch sweet potato mash but I don't remember seeing butterscotch in most stores here. Fingers crossed, we find it and blow everyone's mind with this incredible mash!

My mom-in-law actually posted this on her Facebook page yesterday and so decided to share it today. I hope you all have a wonderful day of thanks. For as little as Branden and I seem to have, we sure do have bucket loads to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Working With an Old Fart

I'm digging back into my archives today and sharing another locksmith story with you all. Even though this happened to me about 7 years ago, I can still envision it perfectly in my mind!

First Service Call Alone:

My boss was gone on a job so I had to go unlock the house of a very small and very old man. I was nervous but confident; I knew how to pick locks. So pick kit in hand, I met him at his door. The picking began, and as I worked, I noticed a twelve year old boy's comical dream come true! The old man apparently had no control over his bodily noises and would squeak a few out every so often. Lucky for me, despite my close proximity to him, it didn't smell, but I was having quite a time not laughing. After a half an hour, resulting in a major blister on my finger, the lock would not pick! This isn't entirely uncommon, picking isn't all skill, its odds too. The old fart (pun intended) mentioned that he had problems with the front door and it didn't work right...NOW he tells me! I asked if he had any other doors and he said that there was a side door by his garage. I told him to lead the way, and then I noticed something even better than the simple 'gas leak' problem: Every step he took was accompanied by a very bubbly fart! I still have no idea how I didn't die of laughter!

We got to the side door (still no smell thank God), and I worked on that for a while. I still had no luck, and then he informed me that this lock wasn't working well either. Thanks Buddy! I had no idea what to do, and then he mentioned a sliding glass door on the OTHER side of the house. This is a good sized house, so I had to hold back my laughter as he let loose his bowels every step of the way! When we got to the slider, I noticed that there was no lock on it, thus I could not pick it! He pointed to the kitchen window next to it and said that it was always unlocked so I could crawl through (very professional). The only problem was that it was probably 10 feet off the ground. Captain Farts Alot said he had a ladder...in the garage...on the OTHER side of the house!

So I followed him, farting every step, back around the house to the garage! My stomach was hurting from holding in laughter by now. He got the ladder and wouldn't let me carry it back to the window because he was trying to be a gentleman and not burden my feminine frame with heavy lifting. He was already crippled up and bent over, so I was afraid he was just going to break in half from the ladder. Nope, the added weight just put extra umph and strain to his gassy trudge back to the window! 

Must be professional, can't laugh; Must be professional, can't laugh!

I crawled through his window, got him in, went to my car, and DIED of laughter. I was there for an hour with the human fart machine, and I never laughed until I was in my car where he couldn't see...although I bet he and the whole town heard me laughing all the way back to work! 

The Golden Sky Blogfest

In honor of Elisa's book release The Golden Sky tomorrow, she has asked the blogging community to share a story of loss today.

 In my 27 years of life, I have been blessed. My grandparents are still alive, except for my mom's dad who died when I was only 6, and I haven't lost any aunts, uncles, or cousins. We have lost 2 of Branden's grandpas since we have been married, but those are his stories so I didn't feel right in sharing them. I did have a cat who lived to be 19 and I held her as she slipped from the world but that is for another day. Very recently, I experienced my first lost of someone who had been in my life from almost the beginning. Here's the story of my second grade teacher.

When I was very young, I had one big thing I was really looking forward to: second grade. My older sister told me the fabulous tales about how amazing it would be. What was so special about second grade? Mrs. Raycraft. Sure there were other second grade teachers, but there was nothing more exciting than knowing you got to be in Mrs. Raycraft's class. She went to the same church as us so I knew how much she loved hugs even before I stepped into her class.

When the blessed age came and the school year started, I excitedly started my year with Mrs. Raycraft. I gave her a hug every single day (probably twice if you include saying 'goodbye'), and when she hurt her arm and had it in a sling, I gave her 'half hugs' so I didn't bump her bad arm. She loved reading in her class, and two books I remember were Shilo and Where the Red Fern Grows. Shilo was about a platypus, and we had a stuffed animal Shilo that we took turns taking home for the weeknd. Now if you know anything about Where the Red Fern Grows, you would know it has a very sad ending. Even though Mrs. Raycraft read this every year to her class, she always ended up crying when she got near the end and had to have a student finish it for her. The highlight of the year though, was the month long study on Hawaii that ended with a big luau party. We learned how to spell Hawaii's state fish, the humuhumunukunukuapuaa (I didn't even have to google that!), and enjoyed some tasty food, including a coconut that had been mailed whole with the address stamped on the husk.

It was a great year, but it wasn't a sad ending because I knew that Mrs. Raycraft didn't stop at just being a second grade teacher. She loved each and every one of her students, so when summer vacation came along, she would get sad and miss being with the kids. Keeping up with her students was important as well, so she went to every year's high school graduation to see her students on. Of course I got to still see her at church, until we changed churches when I was 13, but it's a small town so she was always in and out of my life. And each time I saw her, I always gave her a huge hug. She was at my sis's graduation and at my graduation, and when my sis got married, she and her wonderful husband were at the wedding. When my wedding finally came, I excitedly sent an invitation to her and her husband, knowing that she wouldn't miss this special moment of mine for the world. And she didn't miss it. Her and her husband sat smiling in the back as I cried my way through the ceremony.

Earlier this year when I was back in the States, I worked with my mom cleaning houses. Mrs. Raycraft was finishing her last ever school year before retiring this summer and her husband was very ill and unable to get around, so my mom was cleaning her house. I got to tag along and had such a good time catching up with her husband and giving a little company to their ever so sweet German Shepherd, Maddie. The first time I went to clean with my mom, I noticed she had a photo of my sis, bro-in-law, and nephew on her fridge. It was a wonderful reminder that she was so much more than our second grade teacher.

About a week before Branden and I moved to Ireland, Mrs. Raycraft's husband passed away and I was unable to go to the funeral. The entire trip to the States, I hadn't been able to see Mrs. Raycraft and I really wished I could have been at the funeral to just give her one more hug, but sadly, we weren't able to go. Branden and I moved soon after, Mrs. Raycraft retired, and then discovered she had cancer. My mom continued to clean for her and would give reports on how Branden and I were doing. Mom would also give reports to Branden and me on how she was doing. The treatment was very harsh and she wasn't taking it very well.

We send out a monthly newsletter to our family and friends back home that Mom would print out and take to her. I also wrote her a letter and emailed it to mom to take to her. Something I've never really mentioned in my posts before, is just how Branden and I survive financially over here. The only way we have been able to pay our bills and have food to eat is from the generosity of family and friends. Mrs. Raycraft didn't have much, so I remember the tears springing to my eyes when my mom told us that she was going to be contributing what little bit she could monthly. Living by donations is humbling enough, but I felt an extra tug on my heartstrings as this woman, who had lost so much recently, and who technically was 'just my 2nd grade teacher', had yet again made sure to be there through the biggest moments of my life.

Last week, she lost her battle and joined her husband to continue her journey with her Lord. There are so many lost children in heaven and I know they now get to have Mrs. Raycraft.

Rude Awakening

The world was warm and pleasantly hazy. I don't remember what I was dreaming but it was nice because it meant I was asleep. My whole body was in paralyzed slug mode and had no intention of becoming mobile anytime soon. The dream continued and flowed along with the wonderful slumber that I was so deeply engrossed in.

In an instant, the dream sharply disappeared, my body startled, and my brain was telling me "Someone is crying!" as my heart pumped heavily in my ears. I tried to compute, going over in my head that Branden was already gone for class so it was sometime in the 9 o'clock hour, our housemates typically were all gone by this time in the morning, and our thick windows were closed, so where would there be crying? My heart still pounded from my startled awakening as I strained for a sound...

Very, very faintly, and far off in some random neighbor's garden, I heard little kids giggling. Surely that's so soft, it couldn't have woken me up, plus they sounded like they were having fun and playing from the little bits I could strain to hear. But then I heard him. One little guy apparently wasn't having as much fun and let out a few wails in between giggles.

Dang internal mom instinct! I was sleeping! I've got years before I need this instinct so why won't it take advantage of sleeping while it can with the rest of me?!? Oh well, I suppose I should be happy that I even have this instinct...and can still sleep in past 9 almost every day.

On a side note, I decided to make 'fancy' coffee this morning. Brown sugar and cinnamon coffee sounded chic, but now that I have it, it kind of tastes like soap. Again, oh well, I need the caffeine!

It's a Marshmallow World

It's about halfway through November so I can't contain it any longer. I can't resist Christmas music anymore! My mom-in-law is an artist and she just had her huge Christmas sale at her art studio over the weekend so I've been looking at wonderful Christmas foofoo for weeks now (she's shared lots of fun photos with us). Normally around this time of the year, I start creating festive decor like a mad woman. I am a paper chain freak, although I use more than paper. I will make a garland out of almost anything as long as it is the right color scheme. This year is a bit different though. All of our Christmas decor is still in Edinburgh with our friends who also were our neighbors. Even if we did have the decorations they would be taped up in a box and crying for me to let them out. The sad thing is that we have no place to put anything. We had a mini tree and lots of mini decorations, but now we have everything we own in our one bedroom so space is just not available. All of our surface space is taken, and even though I make nice looking containers to hold all of our things, Branden and I still feel like things are cluttered and driving us crazy! It can't be a good sign when you feel like you need to purge your one room.

I have tons of Christmas creative urges rushing through my mind and not a thing I can do with them. I suppose that means that all of my Christmas spirit will need to be poured into Christmas music then. The song I'm sharing today is one that I actually had never heard until I met my mom-in-law. I love classic Christmas songs and don't know how this one slipped by because it's fabulous! My mom-in-law LOVES Christmas. She really decks the house out, and being an artist, she makes amazing holiday decor! 

My mom and dad-in law last Christmas at their home

For a number of years, Branden and his family would drive over to Leavenworth, a Bavarian styled town tucked away in the Cascade Mountain Range, and stay for a weekend before Christmas to get them in the spirt of things. Around Christmas time, the town turns into what my mom-in-law described to me as a festive snow globe. Our first "Married Christmas" together, Branden and I flew back from Scotland to be with family for almost a month. I got to join his family on their yearly trip to "snow globe city". It was absolutely breathtaking and Branden's mom got more and more like an excited child the closer we got. The first day of the trip, we just drove over to the Seattle side of the Puget Sound to do some Christmas shopping and get a night's sleep before heading into the mountains.

The second day, we arrived in Leavenworth and it was absolutely incredible. There were kids sledding, carolers on the streets, smells of gingerbread and spiced drinks, and adorable bundled up families taking it all in. 

Outside of our hotel that was right across the street from the above photo...talk about a view!

My mom-in-law, who I call Momma Bean, was so excited to finally have another girl on the trip, so as we enjoyed snoop shopping, the boys could go enjoy some sledding. We also got to go up to a lodge for some sleigh riding and dinner. It was beautiful!

Bundled up on the sleigh ride

However, I did find thoughts of exploring the surrounding winter wonderland a bit terrifying after I found this in the entryway of the lodge.

It was a magical little weekend and really put the Christmas spirit in us! This year will be different with not much of a chance to decorate and with us staying in Ireland. Next Monday I'll have to share the wonders of Christmas in Edinburgh! It was incredibly beautiful and festive at Christmas time which we ache to be missing out on this year. But this year is a new adventure, so I am excited to see what Christmas will bring. Either way, Branden and I are just so happy that we get to be with each other for the holidays.

So without further ado, and without Thanksgiving to hold me back, here's the fabulous Dean and Frankie to wet your Christmas appetites. They are having way too much fun singing this! I love it!

Casual Comment Chat Day...and some plotting

Thanks for stopping in today and wasting some of your Saturday with me! If you haven't heard what's going on and my basic rules for this Chat Day, then just take a peek at yesterday's post.

I mentioned a prank of freezing mentos in ice and then putting them in diet coke. I decided to see if anyone has done this so I turned to my good friend youtube. Unfortunately I was highly disappointed to find that it didn't work! I checked some other videos too but still no luck.

This did give me an idea though. Even though the mentos didn't explode, they still would make the coke taste horrible. So what about freezing other discrete nasty flavors in ice and then placing them in unsuspecting drinks!

On to a more entertaining to watch prank. Elisa may be nicer on her brother and not go for this type of prank but I found it extremely funny to watch! Thank goodness I didn't know how to do this when I was a kid!

So any ideas? Comments? Further youtube videos? Or if you have any random questions you have for me then I'm open to that as well. 

...now where's my coffee???

Week Review

Happy Friday everyone. The week started off a bit rocky and then I did get the news that my beloved family friend and 2nd grade teacher passed away on Wednesday. She's joining her husband who left this world only 8 months before her. They have 2 boys and grandchildren, so I know this can't be an easy time for their family. I am actually doing alright. I think having a few days of prepping for it helped me to put things into perspective.

Another thing that has really helped is that I'm finally going to get involved in some volunteer work here! I have been so excited these past couple of weeks that I can hardly contain it. Yesterday, while watching Oprah (yes, Ireland still thinks she's in her final season), I got the crazy idea that I need to start another blog. I'll be working on the basic set up over the weekend but it will be a completely different space than my Padded Cell. I debated just sharing my volunteer experiences here but I think it's best to separate them since they will be attracting different audiences and I can be more free in pouring out my heart's passion in something that's not a 'comedy blog'. I'm not telling you what I'm doing yet, but after I launch the new blog you can take a peek and see where I really come alive.

Since Branden now has a job, he will be working all day on Saturdays. I typically don't blog on the weekends but that doesn't mean a lot of you fabulous bloggers aren't out and about in blogland. So, starting tomorrow, I will be starting an open blog post on Saturdays where we can have open conversations through the comments. I definitely think I have the best commenters in blogland so I'm pretty confident we can come up with some pretty hilarious convos. If you happen to be out and about in blogland on Saturday, stop on by and I'll be open for any questions you may have or topics you may want to discuss. All I ask is that we keep it 'family friendly', fun, and no debating because this is not meant to be a serious place (that and I really know NOTHING about politics, economics, and all the big things that intelligent people like to scream at each other over).

So to summarize:
1. Please continue to keep my 2nd grade teacher's family in your thoughts and prayers as they handle her passing.
2. Be prepared for a whole new blog full of heart and passion (and maybe some laughs along the way).
3. Stop in on Saturdays and chat with me as I sit bored at home while Branden is gone.

I think we may need to kick off tomorrow's conversation with best prank ideas. Elisa over at Crazy Life of a Writing Mom is in a prank war with her brother and since her brother doesn't read my blog (or at least I'm pretty sure he doesn't), I'm sure we can brainstorm some great prank ideas! I saw something on Pinterest last night that said to freeze mentos in icecubes and then put them in your friend's diet coke. Then about 5 minutes later, their drink will explode on them!

Blog pranks work as well since he has a blog, so start thinking of ideas now. If you go to Elisa's site you will quickly see how the prank war has been going so far.

Hope to chat to you all tomorrow!

My Ex....Hairdresser

This morning I looked at Branden and said, "I think it's time I shared about my crazy ex eyebrow waxer." This is another tale from my past days as a locksmith and was written back in January 2006. I read this and thought that maybe I was a bit harsh on the woman, but then I remembered how much I would shake like a nervous Chihuahua around her as I tried to brace myself for whatever piece of TMI would come from her mouth. 

As I read this story back to myself, I realized that it had a great moral to it:

"Don't go around life as a spineless jellyfish who has to please everyone or else you too could end up feeling like you are trapped in a trailer park soap opera and can't get out".

Thank goodness I am a stronger person now!

My Ex Hairdresser

I had a hairdresser from the bad side of the trailer park...oh yes, there's a bad side. I went to a nice salon to get my eyebrows waxed (plucking made me sneeze) and a trim (my hair, not my eyebrows!). Anyhoo, I got this wacky haired hairdresser who we will call Flonaise (because I think she likes nose candy). So Flo did my eyebrows and they were really good...actually perfect! Then she started on my trim. We talked, and at that time I was teaching youth group, which she got really interested in. She had two middle school aged boys and wanted them to start getting involved in church stuff. Then she noticed that my tongue was pierced (it's not anymore) and got all excited! She asked me the usual 'did it hurt?' 'how do I like it?', stuff like that. She then proceeded to tell me that her and her girlfriend almost got their "coochies" pierced (excuse the spelling but this word is not part of my vocabulary!). Less than 5 minutes ago we were talking about church but now I get to hear all about her 'candy land'!

Thankfully, I got out of there with amazing eyebrows and a so-so trim. As disturbed as I was by this woman, I went back because I am a people pleaser who can't say no it is tough to find a good eyebrow waxer. If they get the wax too hot they can burn and blister your skin, but if it's too cold they can rip skin off! Since blisters and scabs really weren't a popular trend, I went back numerous times.

One day God smiled on me! Flo told me she was leaving the salon and opening her own hair place. I thought 'Sweet! I'll never have to see her again and I'll finally get another lady here to do my eyebrows!' I left smiling just thinking about never having to hear about that crack-head's coochie again! It was about a few weeks later, I was at work, and suddenly Flo drove up to my office! I dove behind the counter, crawled back to the workshop, and spied on her. She was moving in to the office space next to mine!

God laughed at me. I managed to avoid her for a while but was starting to get desperate since I didn't have the courage to try out another waxer, so I had become a wanna be plucker (and it wasn't working). Finally, she came into my office, saw me behind the counter, and asked why I hadn't been over. I of course lied and said that I had been busy. I scheduled a waxing appointment that day people pleaser, people pleaser, people pleaser!! It was kind of nice to have my waxer just next door, even though I learned all about her unhappy relationship and how often her boyfriend took his daily #2 deposit!

But then her ex husband started coming around. No biggie, he wasn't in my shop, right? Considering he was above the age of 40, his "old man pervert who has to hit on Maggie" radar went off. He came in to my shop, even had a job for me to do...a house call! Luckily I didn't do house calls. HE was exactly the reason why I didn't do them, so I threw him to my boss. Of course he had to stay in my office and make friendly chatter about random things. 

Somehow my car was brought up and I said something about how I wanted to take off the tinting. He got all excited because he used to do tinting and knew exactly how to remove it. He said he could have it off for me in 30 minutes and wanted my phone number so he could call me and arrange a time to do it. Um, No. I told him to give the office a call if he wanted to get ahold of me, but I could do it on my own. Well, he was insistent and really wanted to do it, but luckily for me, he had to leave to meet my boss at his house call. As soon as he left, I called my boss and told him that if Dirty Old Man asked about me, I was married! 

When my boss came back from the job, he cracked up and told me that as he worked on this guy's car, the guy talked all about how nice I was and bla bla bla, so my boss piped up with, "Yeah, she's great! I thought I was gonna lose her after she got married, but luckily she's still working for me!" The guy got really quiet and asked, "Oh, she's married?" My boss just said, 'Yep', and the guy never spoke of me again. The guy came in to pay his bill but never even looked at me! No friendly chit chat, no offer to take my tinting off, nothing! It was great!

Eventually Flo moved out and never reopened a shop (her ex never came back), and I found a new eyebrow waxer that was not meth enhanced! (and she gave good hair cuts too!)

*Of course, since this time, I have worked in an actual drug clinic and have discovered that I really get on with most drug addicts. I look back and laugh at my reaction to this poor hairdresser. I hope you all enjoyed laughing at my naiveness as much as I did! Oh, and I of course don't think people in their 40's are old but when I was in my early 20's, any man who was 20 years older than me and hitting on me, was "old"!