Thursday, September 29, 2011

And now for something completely heinous...

Yesterday's blog was way too scary, terrifying, embarrassing, birth control instilling, fun, that I had no idea how I was going to follow it. What's more entertaining than trying to figure out what heinous creatures you will spawn your kids will look like?? But late last night it came to me...what will Branden and I look like when we are old? So after some searching for an aging face generator, I found something even better!

Lo and behold, I give you the Face Transformer

This may be more terrifying than the faces of my children but here's the fun I had at this site:

Original photo (I realize it's a really bad photo of me but this is the only passport style photo I currently have on my computer)

Now, what I will look like old:

AHHHHHHH!!! Please Lord, if I'm going to look like that, take me when I'm 50! And what is up with the end of my nose!?! I wear sunscreen on my face every day and this is how I'm repaid!!!

Well, this site has other options, so this is what I would look like if I was African:

I will never complain about having a big nose again...

Would it be any better if I were Asian??

Ummm, that would be a NO!

Maybe this whole being a girl thing isn't working...what if I were a man??


Ok, forget being a human, what if I were just an ape?

Oh heavens! I don't even think they would cast me in Planet of the Apes with a face like that!

I need a pick me up, so now it's time to put Branden through the ringer!

Original photo (again, this is a really really bad photo and we had to get his hair back away from his face.)

So Branden old:

Wow, apparently he's going to become an old Australian sheep farmer!

Just for curiosity sakes, what does this site think he looks like as a baby??

Alien head baby with a beard!!! Oh holy crap! He looked nothing like that as a baby! (his beard was a little smaller)

What if Branden were African??

Oddly, he's a bit more similar...his mouth has just tried crawling up his face a bit!

Asian Branden??

He just looks sinister! Yikes!

What if we transform Branden into a woman??

Oh my goodness! It's a cross between Rosie O'Donnell and a Wal-Mart checker! I would say that he is the ugliest woman I have ever seen...but sadly that's a lie (thanks to People of Wal-Mart)

Would he be able to be cast in the next Planet of the Apes??

Oh goodness! MAKE IT STOP!!!

Have fun playing around with your face...I'm off to go gouge my eyes out!

Note: This is part 2 of a 3 part face distortion series. Click HERE for part 1 and HERE for part 3


  1. Is it just me or does Asian Branden look a lot like Woman Branden?

  2. FYI - My Apeman came out WAAAAAY too good.

  3. Joshua, Asian Branden does look like woman Branden...lazy site! He does have slight Asianish eyes which we thought were originally from a far back ancestor from Mongolia but that is still unconfirmed.
    So you make a good ape??? LOL! You must find a way to share!

  4. Oh my fucking god.
    I'm going to waste the rest of today.

  5. Rai, I figure if I can't work then nobody should work! haha! Enjoy having a very unproductive but highly entertaining day :)

  6. I didn't want to sleep tonight anyway.

    Thanks so much Princess. Those were terrifying.

  7. That is SOOOOO funny! Did you try the anime one of yourself? I liked mine so much that it's my profile pic LOL!

  8. Hi, I'm a new visitor to your blog. I've never actually seen what these face transformers can do, but your post has saved me the trauma of trying them out with my own face. Thank you :)

  9. Damn you make a sexy dude!! LOL!!

  10. I'm in the process of doing the same thing Elisa did.

  11. Boomer, sorry about that but if I had to suffer then I figured I'd take all of you down with me ;)

    Elisa, is that where you got it from?? My anime face wasn't so great but it wasn't very scary either so I left it out. I love crap like this!

    J.S. welcome to my cell! Oh come on, you know you want to feel your retinas burning in horror! ;)

    Dreamer, you really think so??? I first though chimo but then I settled on serial killer for sure!

  12. Joshua, your anime face turned out pretty good...but you made a more realistic chimp...hahahahahaha!

  13. You're lucky I left my bag of bananas at home.

  14. This site is sexist! You look twisted and deformed in every version, while Branden remains hot!

    (Don't show this to him. You'll never hear the end of it.)

  15. Hahahaha Mandy! Although I would not be willing to get scandalous with Ape Branden, I will admit that old Australian sheep farmer Branden is a sexy old man ;)

  16. Hahahahahahaha....Love it! I vote you do this every Thursday, from here on out!

  17. I think I like the ape faces the best! Now if I can just find my actual passport I might be able to go and do this, too.

  18. Paige...hmmmm, I may be able to find enough various sites to let it fly for a while ;) Branden came up with a Friday conclusion to this whole psycho face warp week...

  19. Fail, the ape faces are pretty hideous (which in blog terms means very very fun!). Just an fyi, these aren't our actual passport photos...thank goodness I travel the world with a much more flattering photo in which I wasn't posing in my bra for ;)

  20. Oooh! Wish i had the time to play around with this. I'll have to this weekend! I'm Peanut-Free and the boyfriend has his kids...I'm actually kind of looking forward to the alone-time...for a change.

  21. Stephanie, I'm so happy you can look forward to alone time...even though it's great to hear you say "the boyfriend"!

  22. I'm going to have to do this! What a hoot!


Does this straitjacket make my butt look big?