Fun with Dick and Jane

Since the job market has been practically dead for Branden and I'm sitting around feeling useless with a big bold "Permitted to remain in Ireland on conditions that the holder does not enter employment and does not engage in any business or profession" stamped into my passport, the past 6 months of living here have been nothing short of a miracle (with little bouts of panic and stress headaches along the way).

Unlike the newer version of Fun with Dick and Jane (I've never seen the older one), Branden and I aren't about to start robbing anyone, but we did get a bit excited when the University sent Branden an email about a clinical trial that paid 190 euros for anyone who completed the process. It is a dental trial, so I did have visions of possible complications like our tongues becoming the size of cucumbers or our lips falling off, but since it was money to make that didn't go against my visa I was willing to take the risk!

This morning was the initial check in and the first thing we had to do was read over a few pages detailing what we would do, how we would be paid, etc, etc. The paperwork specified that I can't give any specific details but basically it's just a toothpaste trial for a well known brand name so my mind was put at ease. We saw two dentists who checked our teeth for various things, including the full normal check up that you would get at any other dentist office. Sadly, Branden didn't qualify but his teeth checked out well. I did qualify and had a great check out as well. All this and we got paid 30 euros each! How many people get paid to have their teeth checked!?!

My next appointment is next week, and I will get paid another 30 euros and then I have only 2 other appointments over the next few months, each time getting paid 30 euros except my last check up, I get paid 100 euros. Plus I won't be have to buy toothpaste until after December so I'm quite happy with my little form of contributing to funds and don't have to worry about my lips falling off!

I did have a bit of a funny thing happen while we were at the clinic. Ok, funny to all of you but terrifying for me. I was in the waiting room, facing a little room at the end of the hall where Branden was having his final check and where I was soon to follow. The door was open but you couldn't see anyone. As I was randomly staring in that direction, I noticed a fairly large spider run across the floor from the open door to the wall. Having another encounter with a giant spider last night, I was really on edge and bordering on having a full blown 3 year old tantrum since I'm at my wit's end with these things.

Shivers ran up my spine, I lifted my feet off the floor, picked up my purse and thought about informing someone that they need to go and kill that beast before I set foot in that room. I then started scanning the booth I was sitting in, making sure nothing was near me and envisioning a a horde of spiders living in the booth and waiting to all run out and swarm me. My mind flooded with fear and thoughts.

"How am I supposed to go in that room? There is no way I can walk into that door without looking at the area it skittered to, but what if it's visible? Would the dentist kill it??? Do dentists take the hippocratic oath and does the oath pertain to all creatures?? If someone catches it, there is no way they can walk past me with that thing alive! What if it crawls in my purse when I set it on the floor by my chair???"


Cold sweat beaded on my skin as I sat terrified and mesmerized at that doorway. Branden came out and I quickly told him what I saw. Since he was done, I left my purse with him and walked as if to my death into that room of terror. I glanced at the place I knew the spider had gone and saw some boxes by a bookcase and a desk...lots of hiding places. On the other side of the small room, I nervously got into the dental chair. The dentist put the chair in the lying down position and I felt my very long hair slide off the headrest and down towards the floor...

"Oh goodness! Is my hair long enough to reach the floor? I can't tell but what if it is? Could the spider make it all the way across the room to my hair without the dentist or his assistant seeing it? What if it CRAWLS UP MY HAIR!?! Just a few minutes, it will be done in just a few minutes. You will be fine Maggie, no spider will crawl up your hair." The dentist leaned forward into my chair as he looked into my mouth. "My hair is tugging! Is it the weight of the spider?? Is he in my hair? Maggie, you are being ridiculous, it's just the dentist against your hair. But what if it's the spider!?! It was a big one, it would be heavy, IT COULD BE IN MY HAIR!!"


The dentist finished and I got the heck out of that room. I collected my money at the front desk and told Branden about my hair as we were walking out....he found it laughable.